How did this happen? My oldest child turned 5 yesterday! I sit here a day later still trying to figure out how this happened. I remember wishing when she was a baby that she would grow. I couldn't wait for the next stage, and well, now I am wishing we could go back. Go back to a day and age where it was just her and I. There was no rushing, there was just me and my baby. I miss those times. But yesterday, thanks to my mother in law,I got to relive it, sorta!
Carmela woke up early and she started her day off with both her favorite cereal (Lemurs for any other GFCF families out there) and chocolate chip pancakes. Juliana was up at this point, but Joey was still sleeping so me and my two girls cuddled and watched some TV until Joey woke up. We got Joey fed and dressed, put Juliana down for a nap and then when she woke up we headed to the park. On our way, we stopped for coffee and Carmela's favorite hash browns! Yum! The weather was chilly when we got there, but quickly it was so nice out! The kids had a great time on the swings, slides and playing "firefighters". We came home to have lunch and then the two little ones went in for a nap. My mother in law came, and off Carmela and I went.
When I was a child, one of the best memories I had was going to Toys R Us with my parents to pick out a toy. So I did the same for Carmela this year. I have to admit I was nervous about going. Carmela still has very babyish taste in toys. So I was afraid of what she'd want. I tried talking her into a new bicycle, but when she got on it, she wasn't a fan. Then, I tried talking her into a new dollhouse....not a fan. She insisted on a new Fisher Price camera. She then wanted the Little People camping adventure. She loves her Little People. So we bought our new purchases, and off we went to the mall. For the first time ever, I had a realization as we are leaving TRU, ya know what? The age on the Little People box is 2-5, and I do not care. She's my first born, she is growing up way too fast and if she wants to hold on to her baby-hood, then I am all for it. We will get there, and in the meantime, I am enjoying it. There will be a time for dolls, bikes and everything else,but now its time for Little People. And hey at least she's playing, right? About six months to a year ago, I know she wasn't!
We head to the mall to buy a new outfit for her kiddie party on Sunday. She picks out a shirt because she likes the pattern on it, and I realize everything is 1/2 off. Perfect. She got the outfit with the pattern, and i got the outfit that I liked! Then I ask her if she wants to go for manicures! Of course, what girl doesn't? I have to admit, I was a bit shocked at how much she enjoyed this. Carmela is far from a girly girl! But she LOVED it and was so so good! She sat nice to get her nails painted, and then let them dry for 3 cycles under the dryer. She is big where it counts, in her behavior. She can seem so mature sometimes!
Then we came home,and she showed her brother and sister her new toys. Daddy came home shortly after and we headed to Texas Roadhouse. It was Carmela's choice because she loves their shrimp (they skip the seasoning and butter for Carmela) but most of all because she wanted to sit on the saddle. For those not familiar with Texas Roadhouse, instead of singing happy birthday to the birthday girl, they have them sit on a saddle and then the whole restaurant says "HEE HAW" to the birthday girl. she LOVED it. I will udpate those pictures when I get more than a second to post :)
After dinner we came home and opened the presents from Juliana and Joey - a new Webkinz and a new CD. We then put on pajamas as it was getting late, and we sang Happy Birthday to the birthday girl. Since she was born, that has been her favorite song ever! she was on cloud 9.
As she was falling asleep, she asked her Daddy if her birthday can last until Sunday since she had two more important things this weekend. Of course, we agreed. Afterall, my birthday always lasts more than one day!
We do have a busy weekend. My Mom is heading up tonight, and tomorrow morning we will head up for our Autism Speaks walk. It is such a great event, and such an emotionally felt day for me. But pure fun for the kids! Then on Sunday is Carmela's "kiddie" party. We are holding it at Bounce-U this year. It always amazes me that Carmela likes that place, as in October of 2007 she broke her femur on one of those bouncy things! So while I still hold MY breath when she is on those things, I am glad that she bounced back and enjoys them again!
Happy Birthday to my precious Carmela! Without you, I'd be nothing. I love you!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
One month!
Wow, my little girl has been home for ONE whole month! I can't believe it, yet it feels like she's been home forever! While we had our rough times, we've had the times too where we watch our baby girl go from literally hating us to attaching beautifully. She definitely knows that we are her mom and dad, and she has started giving hugs and kisses to the kids as well. From day one, she has loved our dogs too :)
It took me some time to get back into the baby stage...bottles, two naps, pacifiers, crying, playing, etc. Now I feel like its coming together, and I definitely know how fast this stage goes by. Juliana is our last baby, and I realize today that I can't rush it, something I am famous for doing.
Juliana brings our family a sense of completion. A sense of togetherness, a bonding that is so tight within our family structure. It is so fun to watch Juliana learn something new everyday, and love us just a little bit deeper. I know that total attachment takes years, yet, I am thoroughly content with the attachment thus far.
We love you, Juliana, and thank God for you each day.
It took me some time to get back into the baby stage...bottles, two naps, pacifiers, crying, playing, etc. Now I feel like its coming together, and I definitely know how fast this stage goes by. Juliana is our last baby, and I realize today that I can't rush it, something I am famous for doing.
Juliana brings our family a sense of completion. A sense of togetherness, a bonding that is so tight within our family structure. It is so fun to watch Juliana learn something new everyday, and love us just a little bit deeper. I know that total attachment takes years, yet, I am thoroughly content with the attachment thus far.
We love you, Juliana, and thank God for you each day.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
More sickies and a lost pacifier
It has not been a great few days again :( Juliana now has another bad cold (so you got that right flu, virus, cold, yeast infections, thrush, another bad cold). She was happier from Friday until yesterday after nap. When for some reason, she was miserable :( This morning she was decent but decided she didn't want her morning nap. I had to go out foodshopping because I am hosting Easter on Sunday and hadn't bought a thing yet, so off we went. I brought Juliana's pacifier (lately I haven't been, trying to use it just at night/naps), and what a mistake. I lost it. So now i have a child that had no morning nap, is cutting another tooth and doesn't have her pacifier :( I don't even know what to do. Joey is napping as well so i can't even go out to the store to see if she will accept a new one! I am not a pacifier fan -- because of this reason!!!! My other two children never took one, so this is new to me :(
Friday, April 03, 2009
Visit with the Easter bunny....
Tonight we took the kids to go see the Easter bunny at the mall. On the way there, we explained to the older two that Juliana may be scared, and if she is that Mommy would hold her and they could still get their picture taken without Juliana there. Juliana cries often, so in my mind I was thinking "no way will she sit with the bunny!" Well boy did Juliana prove me wrong tonight. She was amazed by the furry creature! We got there and there was a little boy before us so we waited. I tried showing her the Easter bunny from afar to see a reaction, and instead she was just obsessed with doing "nice" to Joey's head LOL!
Well, it was then our turn and of course Carmela and Joey take their seat and I hand Juliana to the Rabbit. She loved his furry hand and then a few seconds later, turned to see who was holding her. Don't you know, she loved him. She was smiling at first, but the photographer, of course was busy and didn't get the smiles, but the picture turned out cute nonetheless. It is HARD to get three kids under 5 to smile at the camera and face the correct way!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Happy 10 months, baby girl!
This is our first time posting a "birthday" post with our baby girl at home! How exciting. Juliana turned 10 months old today. I think I am still in shock that she is home! For the most part, things are going MUCH better! Lets see, I am not going to lie, the first two weeks were tough. Juliana had a love/hate relationship with me. Her relationship with her daddy was pure love, but I was a different story. I posted about it before how you can see how guilty she felt attaching to me, like she was cheating on the only Mom that she ever knew in her short life. It was heartbreaking to see. I tried so hard to remain patient, but it was so hard. On the two week anniversary of her being home, things started to look up. People told me that it would get easier at 2 weeks, and it did, exactly two weeks. Now she will look for me saying "mamamama" and she calls for her daddy too "dadadada". She laughs with me all day long now, and she will even start to venture out and explore, which is huge. Still not too sure about that part, but getting there. She is really starting to love the kids as well, I think. She really is starting to fit right in here. She is teething. She came home with 4 teeth and got two more quickly thereafter. I can't see anymore coming through, but she is constantly drooling, mouthing, crying in pain :( I don't miss the teething, that is for sure!
On Friday she went to the pediatrician for the first time. She is 17 lbs 9 oz. and 29 inches tall. She is 20% for weight, 90% for height and her head is in the 90th % too. We think she may have allergies, but we will hold off before seeing an allergist, it is so early to say so I am not too worried yet. No shots for this appointment, actually not until she turns 15 months old, I was very happy to hear that! Overall, it was a great appointment, and she did well.
We are having a bit of an issue finding a soy formula that agrees with her belly! Her Korean formula didn't run out until this week (I still don't know why we got two weeks of formula, most only get a few days! But I am not complaining). I tried Good Start right away, but that was a no go. It just didn't agree with her stomach. Then, we tried the Walmart brand as my pediatrician swore it was the same nutrition as the Similacs and Enfamils. Well, since then she's been crying a lot, and I'm thinking its the formula (but she drinks it down so obviously likes it). I am thinking of going for Similac next, not sure what to do!!!! Someone told me to try Target next. Its just a guessing game I suppose.
Other than that, things are going well for us.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Back to the grind ...again
Tomorrow my big girl is going back to school. Carmela has been off of school now for two weeks and one day. She started off sick for awhile, and then she had 4 days off due to a "spring break" of sorts. So, when all was said and done, she's been home with me since the day before Juliana came home! And I must say I have enjoyed every single second of my big girl being home. I am not kidding when I say, she has matured right before my very eyes. There are literally moments of my day where I just sit and stare at her, in total amazement, at how much she has grown. The way she treats her sister is just so sweet. She hugs her almost every chance she gets, and you can just see the love pouring out of her. It is so beautiful to see.
I have to admit I am so sad about Carmela going back to school tomorrow. I love having her home. She's the only one that I can have a grown conversation with it seems, and she is a tremendous help with both Joey and Juliana. I know that Carmela is so looking forward to going back, and misses her best friend so much, so I am glad she is able to return, yet for selfish reasons, I'd love for her to stay home with me. It is exactly how I felt when Chris went back to work after having off for a week. Just alone, I suppose.
On the other hand, I am taking tomorrow as a starting step on getting on our feet again. Truth be told, I have not cooked a real dinner (unless chocolate chip pancakes count) since Chris went back to work! We have been quite lazy with having no school bus schedules or therapy sessions to run to. So it will be nice to see how it all works out with having to be places at certain times. I am a bit nervous because Juliana is doing so well on her new schedule, and tomorrow it will be off because Carmela has therapy during Juliana's afternoon nap. But that is the joys having a third child. They must be flexible when they have two older siblings to run around with!
I have to admit I am so sad about Carmela going back to school tomorrow. I love having her home. She's the only one that I can have a grown conversation with it seems, and she is a tremendous help with both Joey and Juliana. I know that Carmela is so looking forward to going back, and misses her best friend so much, so I am glad she is able to return, yet for selfish reasons, I'd love for her to stay home with me. It is exactly how I felt when Chris went back to work after having off for a week. Just alone, I suppose.
On the other hand, I am taking tomorrow as a starting step on getting on our feet again. Truth be told, I have not cooked a real dinner (unless chocolate chip pancakes count) since Chris went back to work! We have been quite lazy with having no school bus schedules or therapy sessions to run to. So it will be nice to see how it all works out with having to be places at certain times. I am a bit nervous because Juliana is doing so well on her new schedule, and tomorrow it will be off because Carmela has therapy during Juliana's afternoon nap. But that is the joys having a third child. They must be flexible when they have two older siblings to run around with!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A family weekend....
Well we managed to keep Juliana pretty much in only our company for the first 10 days of her being home. We finally allowed visiters over the weekend as my family was starting to get really impatient and wanting to meet their new granddaughter, neice and cousin!
Saturday around 3:00 my Mom, her boyfriend John, and my two Grandmothers came up for a visit. Carmela and Joey loves having time with them all, and really was excited to introduce their baby sister to them. Juliana, I must say, was very stand-offish at first. She definitely was trying to soak it all in. There were times that she seemed overwhelmed, and just wanted me near her. But then there were times when I was taking care of the other children or doing something else for a moment, that she seemed ok sitting next to another family member. At one point, though, my Grandmother picked her up, and Juliana was fine, then she realized she was not on my lap, and she freaked out. It was definitely apparent that she likes people from afar right now. She was very clingy to me. Within a few hours though, she did sit with my mom for a few minutes. It was brief, but Juliana seemed ok for those few minutes. I keep telling myself baby steps. I, of course, stood near her when she was in other's arms, and was quick to take her back when she fussed. This is what our social workers had told us to do. To allow her the opportunity to go to others, but also to take her back when she was ready. And that is what we did. It is becoming obvious to me and others, that Juliana definitely knows I am her Mom, as soon as she fussed, it was me she reached out for, and that is a great sign that she is on her way to bonding with us.
The next day, today, my sister, her husband and their three kids came over. I was a bit worried about how Juliana would do two days in a row, but again Carmela and Joey really missed their cousins. They came over around 12:30 and Juliana was really good at first playing near her Daddy. All the kids ate lunch and Juliana watched everyone intently. She then went down for her nap around 1:30 and slept until 4:00 pm. At that time, my sister and I went for a walk to get her little one to sleep, and then we came home and took the kids outside to play. Juliana woke up, ate dinner, and then sat on the floor with the cousins. Again, there were brief periods that she was loving on Gianna, then moments where she would cry out for me. I tried to stay by her, and if I was busy with the other kids, then Chris would try to jump in. My sister was able to get some smiles from her, and reached her hands out to see if Juliana wanted to go to her, but Juliana didn't reach back so Lauren didn't press the issue. I was thankful for that. Gianna was able to hold her for a moment or two, but then Juliana would fuss, and Gianna would just sit near her and talk to her. Gianna definitely got the most smiles out of her today.
Just a note about my neice Gianna. Gianna has had a severe headache since last Sunday. On Friday, my sister finally took Gianna to the doctor's and Gianna underwent a MRI that same day. We don't have the results yet. We think it is "only" a migraine, but worried nonetheless. Hopefully we get the results yesterday. The doctor finally prescribed her tylenol with codeine for the pain, and that is the only thing helping with the pain. Please say a prayer for my sweet Gianna!
Saturday around 3:00 my Mom, her boyfriend John, and my two Grandmothers came up for a visit. Carmela and Joey loves having time with them all, and really was excited to introduce their baby sister to them. Juliana, I must say, was very stand-offish at first. She definitely was trying to soak it all in. There were times that she seemed overwhelmed, and just wanted me near her. But then there were times when I was taking care of the other children or doing something else for a moment, that she seemed ok sitting next to another family member. At one point, though, my Grandmother picked her up, and Juliana was fine, then she realized she was not on my lap, and she freaked out. It was definitely apparent that she likes people from afar right now. She was very clingy to me. Within a few hours though, she did sit with my mom for a few minutes. It was brief, but Juliana seemed ok for those few minutes. I keep telling myself baby steps. I, of course, stood near her when she was in other's arms, and was quick to take her back when she fussed. This is what our social workers had told us to do. To allow her the opportunity to go to others, but also to take her back when she was ready. And that is what we did. It is becoming obvious to me and others, that Juliana definitely knows I am her Mom, as soon as she fussed, it was me she reached out for, and that is a great sign that she is on her way to bonding with us.
The next day, today, my sister, her husband and their three kids came over. I was a bit worried about how Juliana would do two days in a row, but again Carmela and Joey really missed their cousins. They came over around 12:30 and Juliana was really good at first playing near her Daddy. All the kids ate lunch and Juliana watched everyone intently. She then went down for her nap around 1:30 and slept until 4:00 pm. At that time, my sister and I went for a walk to get her little one to sleep, and then we came home and took the kids outside to play. Juliana woke up, ate dinner, and then sat on the floor with the cousins. Again, there were brief periods that she was loving on Gianna, then moments where she would cry out for me. I tried to stay by her, and if I was busy with the other kids, then Chris would try to jump in. My sister was able to get some smiles from her, and reached her hands out to see if Juliana wanted to go to her, but Juliana didn't reach back so Lauren didn't press the issue. I was thankful for that. Gianna was able to hold her for a moment or two, but then Juliana would fuss, and Gianna would just sit near her and talk to her. Gianna definitely got the most smiles out of her today.
Just a note about my neice Gianna. Gianna has had a severe headache since last Sunday. On Friday, my sister finally took Gianna to the doctor's and Gianna underwent a MRI that same day. We don't have the results yet. We think it is "only" a migraine, but worried nonetheless. Hopefully we get the results yesterday. The doctor finally prescribed her tylenol with codeine for the pain, and that is the only thing helping with the pain. Please say a prayer for my sweet Gianna!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Three versus one!
And I survived!
Chris headed back to work this morning. I can't believe how fast a week flies by! Unfortunately, with us all being sick, we didn't get as much done as we wanted to, but Chris did do some major bonding with Juliana as she is quite the Daddy's girl still!
I have to admit, I was (and still am) so so nervous about handling three sick kids without Chris, though I think 3 sick kids is easier than 3 healthy kids sometimes! LOL! At least I don't feel guilty when the kids want to watch hours of television, and I let them!
At the end of the day, all 3 were fed, napped, dressed and played with, and I consider that successful. Heck, I was even fed, dressed, showered and had play time, so I was really successful I think!
I wish I took pictures of Juliana's face when Chris walked in the door tonight. She was clapping and screeching, she was so happy! I think she missed him the most (well sorry, second most, I really did miss him).
Tomorrow Carmela has therapy if she is healthy enough to go, now that should be interesting because its right in Juliana's morning nap time, and not sure how I will handle that! stay tuned....
Chris headed back to work this morning. I can't believe how fast a week flies by! Unfortunately, with us all being sick, we didn't get as much done as we wanted to, but Chris did do some major bonding with Juliana as she is quite the Daddy's girl still!
I have to admit, I was (and still am) so so nervous about handling three sick kids without Chris, though I think 3 sick kids is easier than 3 healthy kids sometimes! LOL! At least I don't feel guilty when the kids want to watch hours of television, and I let them!
At the end of the day, all 3 were fed, napped, dressed and played with, and I consider that successful. Heck, I was even fed, dressed, showered and had play time, so I was really successful I think!
I wish I took pictures of Juliana's face when Chris walked in the door tonight. She was clapping and screeching, she was so happy! I think she missed him the most (well sorry, second most, I really did miss him).
Tomorrow Carmela has therapy if she is healthy enough to go, now that should be interesting because its right in Juliana's morning nap time, and not sure how I will handle that! stay tuned....
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Sleep, sleep and more sleep! YAY!
Guess who slept through the night last night??? You guessed it!!! Juliana, girl! We are so proud of our big girl and pray that it continues. I must admit that because of this damn sickies, I was up often and didn't sleep as well I would have hoped, plus of course Joey was up again last night so that interrupted my sleep too. BUT I am thrilled for Juliana. We had such a nice morning. The kids are all getting a little better. We all have runny noses, coughs, etc., but the icky flu is out of our home I think (I hope I didn't jinx it!).
So let me backtrack. Last night we put Juliana (and the big kids) to bed at 7:30. At 8:45 am we heard our first cry. We went to run into her room, but she literally just made a sound and stopped. At 9:30 she did it again, but this time, it went on for longer than a minute so Chris went up there. We hoped to get her back to sleep before she began to play. Success. Chris came back downstairs a few minutes later. She was back asleep. We heard from her once or twice more, but mostly just little noises, not cries. And she never did cry. ALL NIGHT LONG! At 7:30 am, I woke her up and we came downstairs for breakfast. We seem to have her on a nice schedule which I think is working nicely because it is exactly what is written by her foster mother that she did in Korea. We also are opening every shade in the house during the day so that she knows its daytime. We try to spend time outside either walking or playing so she realizes its day time! I also break the golden rule of "never wake a sleeping baby". I do wake her after both her naps. I realized she'd easily sleep all day if I let her, so we do wake her. It also protects the time for the next nap and night time. If I let her sleep, then I don't think we'd be on the right track any time soon. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for us.
Personality wise -- we are definitely seeing some happy spurts in there. She is trying to get our attention a bit more and looking for the kids a bit more too. She is giving hugs, and not pulling away as much either. She cries when she is tired, and unfortunately before today she was tired a lot. She doesn't seem to be looking for someone as much anymore.
We are definitely starting to move in the right direction!!!! A funny little story. Joey had a little bit of a rough few days when Juliana came home. You can almost see him walking around the house trying to figure out where he belonged. He's definitely a Mama's boy and it wasn't cool with him that someone was stealing me away. Now I know he was getting sick, and that may have also been throwing him off. So the other night, he woke up crying in the middle of the night (he's been doing this every night lately again likely because he's sick). So I went in his room, got him back to sleep, and went back to bed myself. The next night I went to put him to bed, and I said "Joey, don't wake up crying tonight. Be a big boy." His face lit up like he just remembered something and he said "Oh yeah, Mom, I had a dream that Juliana was a bad guy and she stole all my toys!" His little face was so serious. I was laughing so hard. I reassured him that mommy would never let anyone steal all his toys, and that he's doing a wonderful job sharing with his sisters, and that I was so proud of him. Poor little Joey adjusting to being the big brother :)
Carmela is taking the role wonderfully. I hear all the time saying little things to Juliana to soothe her. Out of the blue, I hear her saying, "your my sister". Or things to that affect. Carmela is a bit sad lately though because she misses school. She took off Wednesday because of the stomach bug. Then Thursday I had her take off because she didn't wake up until 9:30 after getting to bed so late because of the airport. Then friday-sunday she had no school, and on Monday she had the flu. Then I found out that she has spring break (her first one) from wednesday-next wednesday! She misses her best friend Diana so much :( Poor big girl.
My heart is so full with my three angels. I enjoy so much when they all play with one another or when I get to spend a few minutes with one of them alone. I am so proud of how all three of them are handling the changes to the family.
So let me backtrack. Last night we put Juliana (and the big kids) to bed at 7:30. At 8:45 am we heard our first cry. We went to run into her room, but she literally just made a sound and stopped. At 9:30 she did it again, but this time, it went on for longer than a minute so Chris went up there. We hoped to get her back to sleep before she began to play. Success. Chris came back downstairs a few minutes later. She was back asleep. We heard from her once or twice more, but mostly just little noises, not cries. And she never did cry. ALL NIGHT LONG! At 7:30 am, I woke her up and we came downstairs for breakfast. We seem to have her on a nice schedule which I think is working nicely because it is exactly what is written by her foster mother that she did in Korea. We also are opening every shade in the house during the day so that she knows its daytime. We try to spend time outside either walking or playing so she realizes its day time! I also break the golden rule of "never wake a sleeping baby". I do wake her after both her naps. I realized she'd easily sleep all day if I let her, so we do wake her. It also protects the time for the next nap and night time. If I let her sleep, then I don't think we'd be on the right track any time soon. It doesn't work for everyone, but it does work for us.
Personality wise -- we are definitely seeing some happy spurts in there. She is trying to get our attention a bit more and looking for the kids a bit more too. She is giving hugs, and not pulling away as much either. She cries when she is tired, and unfortunately before today she was tired a lot. She doesn't seem to be looking for someone as much anymore.
We are definitely starting to move in the right direction!!!! A funny little story. Joey had a little bit of a rough few days when Juliana came home. You can almost see him walking around the house trying to figure out where he belonged. He's definitely a Mama's boy and it wasn't cool with him that someone was stealing me away. Now I know he was getting sick, and that may have also been throwing him off. So the other night, he woke up crying in the middle of the night (he's been doing this every night lately again likely because he's sick). So I went in his room, got him back to sleep, and went back to bed myself. The next night I went to put him to bed, and I said "Joey, don't wake up crying tonight. Be a big boy." His face lit up like he just remembered something and he said "Oh yeah, Mom, I had a dream that Juliana was a bad guy and she stole all my toys!" His little face was so serious. I was laughing so hard. I reassured him that mommy would never let anyone steal all his toys, and that he's doing a wonderful job sharing with his sisters, and that I was so proud of him. Poor little Joey adjusting to being the big brother :)
Carmela is taking the role wonderfully. I hear all the time saying little things to Juliana to soothe her. Out of the blue, I hear her saying, "your my sister". Or things to that affect. Carmela is a bit sad lately though because she misses school. She took off Wednesday because of the stomach bug. Then Thursday I had her take off because she didn't wake up until 9:30 after getting to bed so late because of the airport. Then friday-sunday she had no school, and on Monday she had the flu. Then I found out that she has spring break (her first one) from wednesday-next wednesday! She misses her best friend Diana so much :( Poor big girl.
My heart is so full with my three angels. I enjoy so much when they all play with one another or when I get to spend a few minutes with one of them alone. I am so proud of how all three of them are handling the changes to the family.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Party at Juliana's crib 10:00 pm! Be there!
Yes, we are still in the midst of an issue with the time change and jetlag! I have heard from many that it takes 7-10 days for their little bodies to make up the difference and we are only really on day 5, so hopefully by the weekend, we will be heading in a better direction. The past two nights was the same thing. I put her to bed about 7:30 when she is so exhausted. She sleeps well until about 10:00 pm. Then she wakes up and thinks its play time. This time is the only time we get to see how much she likes to talk, screech, and have fun! Unfortunately it doesn't end until close to 2 am when I am exhausted. Then I wake her at 7:30 am because I want her to get on our schedule. So since a 9 month old should be getting 12 hours of sleep at night, we are getting 5. Because of this, though, she naps pretty darn good! I control her naps though, also in an effort to help her get her nights/days figured out. We will get there. Just takes a bit longer than I'd like to see!
Unfortunately we are ALL still sick. My fever has finally gone away, but I am left with a nasty cold. Chris got sick yesterday, along with Carmela. Poor Carmela woke up with a 102 fever yesterday morning. This morning it was a 104 fever. Joey woke up with a fever this morning. Joey, though pretty sick, will still play for short periods. Carmela, on the other hand, just lays on the couch and watches tv. She just looks so sick. It is heartbreaking.
I really think that once Juliana gets the proper amount of sleep, we will start to see some of her personality coming through. Just the little bit we see at night makes me so anxious to see the rest of it! I think she's totally going to fit in here with the loud screeches that comes from her mouth, in a happy way!
I am off to take a nap while my 3 angels are sleeping....still trying to feel better myself!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Trudging right along....
I am not sure what to say here. I can say things are going well, but I'd be lying. I could say that things are horrible, but I'd be lying. I guess what I can say is that things are how I expected them to be, but hoped they would not be. My little girl is in distress. Today we did see more smiles than the past few days, and I thought we were turning the corner on going to sleep, but I may have jumped too fast on that one.
Since Juliana has come home, she has been very unhappy. I would say she definitely cries more than not, and it just seems so random. Once we get her to sleep, she is sleeping pretty well, but getting her there can be tricky. I finally figured today to give up on the baby food, and go straight to "people" food and that has worked out well. She loves pancakes and macaroni, carrots and Gerber puffs! She did a bit better with eating today. She also had a few moments of giggles and smiles today, more than in the past. I guess I just can't wait to see her personality, I have a feeling we haven't even touched upon how happy she really is.
In a way, I think its a great sign that she is so unhappy. She has gone through so much, and in my opinion, it wouldn't be normal if she didn't grieve. Chris hit it on the head when he said it seems like as soon as she starts to relax, and show her personality, she feels guilty and immediately cries. I am not sure if a 9 month old can have that sort of logic, but he is so right with that. It definitely does seem like it.
She is definitely learning who her Mom is, and is still a bit of a Daddy's girl. When she's unhappy, she will come up and cuddle, yet her body is leaning back like she's saying, I need you to hug me, but I don't want to get close to you. It is heartbreaking to see that she really doesn't know what she wants. Right now she definitely prefers Chris and I to Carmela and Joey. I was hoping so much that their bond would come along quickly, but it hasn't. She did play with Carmela for about 3 minutes today with the baby table, and I was so so happy with that. It is almost like she doesn't want them near her. From the pictures that the foster mother sent us, it looks like there were two young kids in her home and it looks like she spent a lot of time with them, so I am not sure why she's not enjoying Carm and Joey. I am wondering if she feels about them like Chris says she feels about us. Scared to get close.
I fought hard on how honest I should be here as I know most blogs I read always have the stories of everything going so well, yet I decided I wanted to be honest. There are a lot of people waiting for their babies that read my blog, and I want you to know, that things aren't always peachy keen in the beginning. Things here aren't awful, and I will get to that in a minute, but they are not all rainbows and sunshine either.
I must say that the positive is that everyday I think we will see more and more of the real Juliana. It takes a lot of patience, and I admit, that is not my strong point. Yet, I feel I want to be strong and patient for her. I want to be who she can cry to when she is sad, and I want to be the one she shares her laughter with. I do believe she's starting to realize that I am her mom, though I know she's not bonded with me at all yet. But at least she is getting to know where to go when she is sad, even though she's not letting me help her through it.
We will get there. I know it. Of course, I am still sick as a dog, so my emotions are out of whack. I took Juliana to the doctor today, and everything looks well with her. I was worried of an ear infection or something, but they said the diarrhea and vomitting can be part of nerves, a virus or just the change in food. Nothing looked abnormal, so that is good. Plus I think we are getting another tooth, and nothing seems to help the pain except Tylenol. She has 4 already, which is four more than Joey had at this age, and two more than Carmela had at this age.
Since Juliana has come home, she has been very unhappy. I would say she definitely cries more than not, and it just seems so random. Once we get her to sleep, she is sleeping pretty well, but getting her there can be tricky. I finally figured today to give up on the baby food, and go straight to "people" food and that has worked out well. She loves pancakes and macaroni, carrots and Gerber puffs! She did a bit better with eating today. She also had a few moments of giggles and smiles today, more than in the past. I guess I just can't wait to see her personality, I have a feeling we haven't even touched upon how happy she really is.
In a way, I think its a great sign that she is so unhappy. She has gone through so much, and in my opinion, it wouldn't be normal if she didn't grieve. Chris hit it on the head when he said it seems like as soon as she starts to relax, and show her personality, she feels guilty and immediately cries. I am not sure if a 9 month old can have that sort of logic, but he is so right with that. It definitely does seem like it.
She is definitely learning who her Mom is, and is still a bit of a Daddy's girl. When she's unhappy, she will come up and cuddle, yet her body is leaning back like she's saying, I need you to hug me, but I don't want to get close to you. It is heartbreaking to see that she really doesn't know what she wants. Right now she definitely prefers Chris and I to Carmela and Joey. I was hoping so much that their bond would come along quickly, but it hasn't. She did play with Carmela for about 3 minutes today with the baby table, and I was so so happy with that. It is almost like she doesn't want them near her. From the pictures that the foster mother sent us, it looks like there were two young kids in her home and it looks like she spent a lot of time with them, so I am not sure why she's not enjoying Carm and Joey. I am wondering if she feels about them like Chris says she feels about us. Scared to get close.
I fought hard on how honest I should be here as I know most blogs I read always have the stories of everything going so well, yet I decided I wanted to be honest. There are a lot of people waiting for their babies that read my blog, and I want you to know, that things aren't always peachy keen in the beginning. Things here aren't awful, and I will get to that in a minute, but they are not all rainbows and sunshine either.
I must say that the positive is that everyday I think we will see more and more of the real Juliana. It takes a lot of patience, and I admit, that is not my strong point. Yet, I feel I want to be strong and patient for her. I want to be who she can cry to when she is sad, and I want to be the one she shares her laughter with. I do believe she's starting to realize that I am her mom, though I know she's not bonded with me at all yet. But at least she is getting to know where to go when she is sad, even though she's not letting me help her through it.
We will get there. I know it. Of course, I am still sick as a dog, so my emotions are out of whack. I took Juliana to the doctor today, and everything looks well with her. I was worried of an ear infection or something, but they said the diarrhea and vomitting can be part of nerves, a virus or just the change in food. Nothing looked abnormal, so that is good. Plus I think we are getting another tooth, and nothing seems to help the pain except Tylenol. She has 4 already, which is four more than Joey had at this age, and two more than Carmela had at this age.
Friday, March 13, 2009
sick, sick, sick and sick
Yes 4 out of the 5 non-furry people in our family are sick :( I have a fever, chills, nauseous and sore throat. Carmela still has a bellyache and is not eating, and Joey had a fever all night long and was up several times. He's not eating well either. Juliana's belly isn't doing well either. She is barely eating, and taking her bottle. I asked Chris to take her to the doctor when she wakes up from her morning nap.
Sleep is a whole other subject. Last night she went from 7-11 pm. Then went back down at 12:30 and slept until 4:30. Then was up until 6:30. Then Chris took her downstairs and she was on/off on him until 8:00. At 8:00 I gave her some baby oatmeal with pears. She ate like3 spoonfuls, and then didn't want it so I gave her some peas. She ate a handful of them. At 9:30 she was tired so I gave her a bottle and she ate 4 oz. At 10:00 we went to lay down, and she was crawling all over the place, wanting to play. I put her in her crib and rubbed her belly until she fell asleep around 10:20. She cried out twice already just real quick cries and it is only 20 mins. So not sure how well she is sleeping.
I finally looked over her papers last night and the day before she left, she had a well baby visit and she was 17 lb 6 oz. and 28 inches tall. She is babbling and cooing a lot. She smiles once in awhile, but also cries out for no apparent reason. She also cries out for "mama" which I am sure is her fostermother. I know we are not seeing her full personality quiet yet, and think we won't see it for some time still.
I am off to watch the Cars movie with Joey....
Sleep is a whole other subject. Last night she went from 7-11 pm. Then went back down at 12:30 and slept until 4:30. Then was up until 6:30. Then Chris took her downstairs and she was on/off on him until 8:00. At 8:00 I gave her some baby oatmeal with pears. She ate like3 spoonfuls, and then didn't want it so I gave her some peas. She ate a handful of them. At 9:30 she was tired so I gave her a bottle and she ate 4 oz. At 10:00 we went to lay down, and she was crawling all over the place, wanting to play. I put her in her crib and rubbed her belly until she fell asleep around 10:20. She cried out twice already just real quick cries and it is only 20 mins. So not sure how well she is sleeping.
I finally looked over her papers last night and the day before she left, she had a well baby visit and she was 17 lb 6 oz. and 28 inches tall. She is babbling and cooing a lot. She smiles once in awhile, but also cries out for no apparent reason. She also cries out for "mama" which I am sure is her fostermother. I know we are not seeing her full personality quiet yet, and think we won't see it for some time still.
I am off to watch the Cars movie with Joey....
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Our princess is home safe and sound!
And that truly is the most important fact about our crazy day yesterday! She is sleeping right now in my bed with Chris. I am up with Joey, blogging, totally in love and totally exhausted.
A little about our family airplane day, that was anything but boring. So the day goes as planned, well except for Carmela waking up ill. My stomach was on and off all day, but I think it was nerves. At about 2:50, Chris goes to let the dogs outside before we take off. I decide one last time to check the flight and make sure all was on schedule. It was due to take off in 15 minutes. Imagine my surprise when I see cancelled! I flipped out, screaming. Chris comes running inside and says "Jackie you are mistaken, I just checked before I went outside with the dogs". I yell at him, "I am not kidding. Why would I lie? Its cancelled." I call Gerri, the lady that is supposed ot meet us. She has no information. I call my agency, they have no information. Finally Chris calls the airline. We don't have a confirmation number and start to panic. Then we think to give Juliana's name and low and behold, they find her information. They tell Chris that she is protected on the next flight, which leaves at 7:05 and arrives at JFK at 10:47 pm. I call afterwards and they tell me the same thing. I call Gerri and the agency and we are all set for 10:47 pm.
We leave for the airport at 7:30 pm. We decide to leave Joey at home with my mother in law since its late already, and just take Carmela. We get to the airport at perfect timing (so we think) as my sister is pulling up with her car load. With her is two out of her three kids, Gianna and Dominick, my Mom, Juliana's Godmother Kathleen, and Aunt Betty Ann. All of us enter the airport and immediately locate the information desk where we are to meet Gerri at 10:00. It is now about 9:30 pm. We get there, put our bags down. Chris runs to the market to buy us water, and the lady at the information desk asks if we are waiting for our baby. I say yes. She says "your baby has been here for hours". WHAT?!?!
So I immediately start to cry, taken aback by what I am told. My sister goes to find Chris and I am asking where my baby is. She says that the "lady" is walking around with her so I think she means the escort. Chris, as a sidenote, continues to buy the water thinking the lady is mistaken. I call Gerri at home asking her what to do and her son tells me she is at the airport. After a minute, I located Gerri (I recognized her from Susan and Angie's photos). I am in tears and I run up to her and hug her. She says she has my baby! So we all follow her to Juliana. There is a baby sitting on the chairs, dressed in pink, and my sister takes her photo. I am thinking that baby looks big for Juliana. Then Gerri's child says "this is your son" and points to the stroller. I said "that's my daughter" as I see the sleeping baby in the stroller! We all immediately look at her bracelet as admittedly she was dressed as a boy! We wake her up, I pick her up, and hold her. She is staring at us all and taking in us as much as we are taking in her. I had to hand her off to get my license so I handed her to her daddy, and oh my, it was love at first sight for both of them! She is nuzzling into his shoulder, as he holds her and all of a sudden PUKES an entire bottle all over him. Yup we were christened pretty early on. It is obvious that Juliana is not feeling too well at this point. Gerri needs Chris to sign a peice of paper then, and he gives her back to me and she cries leaping out of my arms for her daddy!!!! This was beautiful to me, as we were so afraid that she would be afraid of Chris. We speak to Gerri and am told that she was on the 1:00 pm flight from Minnesota to JFK. That flight was late, and ended up landing at 7:00 pm. Those two poor babies (and escorts) were at JFK all that time. The escort waited until 9:00 am (Korea time) to call Eastern and then Eastern called Cecelia. Cecelia called Gerri to tell her to the go to the airport. We are all furious with Northwest at this point. How dare they tell me that she is on that later flight. All in all, I've calmed down now, but when I think of it I still am hurt to think of my baby girl in the airport all alone. The poor other family was out having dinner as their flight landed from Buffallo around 7:00 pm and then they went to eat as they waited for the 10:47 pm flight to arrive. Gerri had tried calling their cell phone but had the wrong number! What a mess!
After saying our thank yous and goodbyes to Gerri, we decide that despite what C told us about not changing Juliana, we absolutely have to. She is soaked with puke. So we take her into the bathroom and change her clothes. I wiped her down quickly with a wipe and put her in a sleeper pajamas with a onesie. We go out in the airport, take photos and play with Juliana. Soon, we decide we are all exhausted, and most Juliana, so we leave. The ride home she slept most of the time. She cried a little bit at being put into the car seat, but not much at all. She falls asleep quickly. At one point, with her eyes closed, she starts blowing raspberries and calling "MaMaMa". She opens her eyes, cries out, and then goes back to sleep. I know she is dreaming of her fostermother. When we got home, we didn't know what to do. Shewoke up as I was bringing her inside and is crying on and off. We decide she must be hungry because we didn't know when she last ate, and knew whenever it was, it was all over Chris's shirt anyway. So we make her a bottle. She drinks one ounce and throws up again. Feeding is over and we decide at 1:00 am to try to get her to sleep. No dice and Chris takes her downstairs. They fell asleep a bit on the couch and then he decides to take her to bed. She slept for one hour, then woke up. She played for about 5 minutes (more trying to get the sleeper off her feet!) and then starts fussing. I decide to try again with feeding her. Success. She had 4 ounces, stopped, and then had 2 more. We walked around and then I notice that she needs a diaper change. As I am doing so, she is crying, but once I take off her sleeper, she calms right down! I realize she's hot so I take it off and oh my gosh, a new baby emerged. She was making cooing sounds, talking, and so playful. At this point its about 4:30 am so we head downstairs and she plays with her toys, both old and new (her fostermother returned the two gifts we sent to Juliana in Korea). She is cooing, talking, and we are playing together. It was DEFINITELY a moment where she realized I wasn't so bad, as now she will look at me and giggle at me. WOOHOO! I feel my bond to her start to grow. At about 5:30 am she starts rubbing her eyes, and pulling at her ears so I head upstairs. Within a few minutes, she's asleep! Success. I let her sleep until 11:00 am when I woke up both Chris and Juliana.
A new day begins with some oatmeal and prunes (she's a bit constipated). She starts out eating it real well, but after a few spoonfuls either didn't like it or decided she wasn't hungry, because now she doesn't want to eat. We let her play with the spoon, and then decide it is bath time. She still had the puke smell in her hair and such. We put her in the bath and she plays a bit. She was quite content in the bath. Get her out, and dressed. She is in 12 months clothes because of her length, however she is a petite little thing! I find an outfit for her, put it on and its falling off. But the length fits perfect. I have her in 6/9 months pants, but they are a tad bit too small! I need clothing help LOL!
After her bath, she plays with her brother and sister a bit more, then I fed the older kids lunch as Juliana sits with Chris. After I serve them their lunch, I get her the bottle. She drank 4 ounces VERY slowly. I am thinking her belly still isn't feeling well. I then put her down for a nap. I let her fall asleep on my bed with me, and then transferred her to her crib. We will see how this goes. I am exhausted and I know I am leaving a bunch out, but I must sleep as I have 2 of my 3 kids in for naps! Ask questions and I will try to answer. I am on cloud 9. She is definitely an observer and soaking in every single thing. The big kids are enamored with her, especially Carmela. Joey is still trying to figure out what this means to his place in the family. Both kids are calling her Soo Hee, her Korean name, as that is what Chris and I are calling her.
Ok I had two hours sleep and am babbling. Off to catch some zzzz's!!!!!
Here are some pics from the airport
share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AatXLZu2ZtWgb
A little about our family airplane day, that was anything but boring. So the day goes as planned, well except for Carmela waking up ill. My stomach was on and off all day, but I think it was nerves. At about 2:50, Chris goes to let the dogs outside before we take off. I decide one last time to check the flight and make sure all was on schedule. It was due to take off in 15 minutes. Imagine my surprise when I see cancelled! I flipped out, screaming. Chris comes running inside and says "Jackie you are mistaken, I just checked before I went outside with the dogs". I yell at him, "I am not kidding. Why would I lie? Its cancelled." I call Gerri, the lady that is supposed ot meet us. She has no information. I call my agency, they have no information. Finally Chris calls the airline. We don't have a confirmation number and start to panic. Then we think to give Juliana's name and low and behold, they find her information. They tell Chris that she is protected on the next flight, which leaves at 7:05 and arrives at JFK at 10:47 pm. I call afterwards and they tell me the same thing. I call Gerri and the agency and we are all set for 10:47 pm.
We leave for the airport at 7:30 pm. We decide to leave Joey at home with my mother in law since its late already, and just take Carmela. We get to the airport at perfect timing (so we think) as my sister is pulling up with her car load. With her is two out of her three kids, Gianna and Dominick, my Mom, Juliana's Godmother Kathleen, and Aunt Betty Ann. All of us enter the airport and immediately locate the information desk where we are to meet Gerri at 10:00. It is now about 9:30 pm. We get there, put our bags down. Chris runs to the market to buy us water, and the lady at the information desk asks if we are waiting for our baby. I say yes. She says "your baby has been here for hours". WHAT?!?!
So I immediately start to cry, taken aback by what I am told. My sister goes to find Chris and I am asking where my baby is. She says that the "lady" is walking around with her so I think she means the escort. Chris, as a sidenote, continues to buy the water thinking the lady is mistaken. I call Gerri at home asking her what to do and her son tells me she is at the airport. After a minute, I located Gerri (I recognized her from Susan and Angie's photos). I am in tears and I run up to her and hug her. She says she has my baby! So we all follow her to Juliana. There is a baby sitting on the chairs, dressed in pink, and my sister takes her photo. I am thinking that baby looks big for Juliana. Then Gerri's child says "this is your son" and points to the stroller. I said "that's my daughter" as I see the sleeping baby in the stroller! We all immediately look at her bracelet as admittedly she was dressed as a boy! We wake her up, I pick her up, and hold her. She is staring at us all and taking in us as much as we are taking in her. I had to hand her off to get my license so I handed her to her daddy, and oh my, it was love at first sight for both of them! She is nuzzling into his shoulder, as he holds her and all of a sudden PUKES an entire bottle all over him. Yup we were christened pretty early on. It is obvious that Juliana is not feeling too well at this point. Gerri needs Chris to sign a peice of paper then, and he gives her back to me and she cries leaping out of my arms for her daddy!!!! This was beautiful to me, as we were so afraid that she would be afraid of Chris. We speak to Gerri and am told that she was on the 1:00 pm flight from Minnesota to JFK. That flight was late, and ended up landing at 7:00 pm. Those two poor babies (and escorts) were at JFK all that time. The escort waited until 9:00 am (Korea time) to call Eastern and then Eastern called Cecelia. Cecelia called Gerri to tell her to the go to the airport. We are all furious with Northwest at this point. How dare they tell me that she is on that later flight. All in all, I've calmed down now, but when I think of it I still am hurt to think of my baby girl in the airport all alone. The poor other family was out having dinner as their flight landed from Buffallo around 7:00 pm and then they went to eat as they waited for the 10:47 pm flight to arrive. Gerri had tried calling their cell phone but had the wrong number! What a mess!
After saying our thank yous and goodbyes to Gerri, we decide that despite what C told us about not changing Juliana, we absolutely have to. She is soaked with puke. So we take her into the bathroom and change her clothes. I wiped her down quickly with a wipe and put her in a sleeper pajamas with a onesie. We go out in the airport, take photos and play with Juliana. Soon, we decide we are all exhausted, and most Juliana, so we leave. The ride home she slept most of the time. She cried a little bit at being put into the car seat, but not much at all. She falls asleep quickly. At one point, with her eyes closed, she starts blowing raspberries and calling "MaMaMa". She opens her eyes, cries out, and then goes back to sleep. I know she is dreaming of her fostermother. When we got home, we didn't know what to do. Shewoke up as I was bringing her inside and is crying on and off. We decide she must be hungry because we didn't know when she last ate, and knew whenever it was, it was all over Chris's shirt anyway. So we make her a bottle. She drinks one ounce and throws up again. Feeding is over and we decide at 1:00 am to try to get her to sleep. No dice and Chris takes her downstairs. They fell asleep a bit on the couch and then he decides to take her to bed. She slept for one hour, then woke up. She played for about 5 minutes (more trying to get the sleeper off her feet!) and then starts fussing. I decide to try again with feeding her. Success. She had 4 ounces, stopped, and then had 2 more. We walked around and then I notice that she needs a diaper change. As I am doing so, she is crying, but once I take off her sleeper, she calms right down! I realize she's hot so I take it off and oh my gosh, a new baby emerged. She was making cooing sounds, talking, and so playful. At this point its about 4:30 am so we head downstairs and she plays with her toys, both old and new (her fostermother returned the two gifts we sent to Juliana in Korea). She is cooing, talking, and we are playing together. It was DEFINITELY a moment where she realized I wasn't so bad, as now she will look at me and giggle at me. WOOHOO! I feel my bond to her start to grow. At about 5:30 am she starts rubbing her eyes, and pulling at her ears so I head upstairs. Within a few minutes, she's asleep! Success. I let her sleep until 11:00 am when I woke up both Chris and Juliana.
A new day begins with some oatmeal and prunes (she's a bit constipated). She starts out eating it real well, but after a few spoonfuls either didn't like it or decided she wasn't hungry, because now she doesn't want to eat. We let her play with the spoon, and then decide it is bath time. She still had the puke smell in her hair and such. We put her in the bath and she plays a bit. She was quite content in the bath. Get her out, and dressed. She is in 12 months clothes because of her length, however she is a petite little thing! I find an outfit for her, put it on and its falling off. But the length fits perfect. I have her in 6/9 months pants, but they are a tad bit too small! I need clothing help LOL!
After her bath, she plays with her brother and sister a bit more, then I fed the older kids lunch as Juliana sits with Chris. After I serve them their lunch, I get her the bottle. She drank 4 ounces VERY slowly. I am thinking her belly still isn't feeling well. I then put her down for a nap. I let her fall asleep on my bed with me, and then transferred her to her crib. We will see how this goes. I am exhausted and I know I am leaving a bunch out, but I must sleep as I have 2 of my 3 kids in for naps! Ask questions and I will try to answer. I am on cloud 9. She is definitely an observer and soaking in every single thing. The big kids are enamored with her, especially Carmela. Joey is still trying to figure out what this means to his place in the family. Both kids are calling her Soo Hee, her Korean name, as that is what Chris and I are calling her.
Ok I had two hours sleep and am babbling. Off to catch some zzzz's!!!!!
Here are some pics from the airport
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Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Today is Airplane Day!
Can you believe it? I can't. So many thoughts running through my head. I still have not forgotten about the many that are still stuck in the process, stuck in limbo land, and have been waiting much longer than I did. It's not fair. I wish so much I could be celebrating with each and every one of you. I'm thinking of you all today as I hold my daughter, and pray that you hold your babies soon too.
Well, last night worked out as planned. I ran to Walmart to buy some formula and some other stuff. Came home and when Chris got home from work, we ran out the door to drop the kids off at Katie's house. We went to Beck's Land & Sea in Nazareth. Had a nice meal with literally 4 people in the restaurant, LOL, and then went back to Katie's. Grabbed the kids, came home, got them ready for bed, and off to lala land they went. Chris and I watched American Idol, and then I went into bed as well. Except there I tossed and turned for hours. Finally, I fell asleep only to be awoken by my dog, Eli, twice who jumps off the bed, then can't see because its dark to jump back on so he cries and cries until you lift him. I could have killed him because each time took me forever to fall asleep again! Then, I woke up at 5:45 for good, and read my Joe Torre book. All of a sudden, I hear gagging, not good. I run into Carmela's room to be welcome by throwing up! UGH! I do laundry, get her cleaned up and dressed, and she's FINE. She wants to eat breakfast, and play. Is it nerves, I wonder? I know my stomach has not been well since last night (too much information) and Chris keeps telling me, it's nerves! Regardless, Carmela stood home from school today.
I got the kids fed and settled, and Gerri called as I was vacuuming. Thankfully I heard the answering machine answer, so I picked up. She told me where to meet her, and the time. I called Chris and we decided that at 3:10, I will make sure the flight leaves on time, and then we will leave for the airport. We are worried about traffic.
I am now showered and ready to go. I have to give Carmela a bath (again!) and then my mother in law will be here soon. She's going to watch the kids so I can run to Babies R Us to buy a teether, a monitor and then run to buy a tape for our video camera. I'd take the kids, but I don't feel like cleaning up puke just in case :) Plus they miss their Grandma so much, it will be nice for them to stay with her.
Chris should be home around 1:00 I think. I can't wait. I miss him today. Plus then that means only a few more hours until we leave.
So that is our agenda for the day. Full of nervousness and excitement! I keep wondering how she's doing on the plane, as surely she is still in the air now.
My next post will be about Airplane Day!!!!!!!
Well, last night worked out as planned. I ran to Walmart to buy some formula and some other stuff. Came home and when Chris got home from work, we ran out the door to drop the kids off at Katie's house. We went to Beck's Land & Sea in Nazareth. Had a nice meal with literally 4 people in the restaurant, LOL, and then went back to Katie's. Grabbed the kids, came home, got them ready for bed, and off to lala land they went. Chris and I watched American Idol, and then I went into bed as well. Except there I tossed and turned for hours. Finally, I fell asleep only to be awoken by my dog, Eli, twice who jumps off the bed, then can't see because its dark to jump back on so he cries and cries until you lift him. I could have killed him because each time took me forever to fall asleep again! Then, I woke up at 5:45 for good, and read my Joe Torre book. All of a sudden, I hear gagging, not good. I run into Carmela's room to be welcome by throwing up! UGH! I do laundry, get her cleaned up and dressed, and she's FINE. She wants to eat breakfast, and play. Is it nerves, I wonder? I know my stomach has not been well since last night (too much information) and Chris keeps telling me, it's nerves! Regardless, Carmela stood home from school today.
I got the kids fed and settled, and Gerri called as I was vacuuming. Thankfully I heard the answering machine answer, so I picked up. She told me where to meet her, and the time. I called Chris and we decided that at 3:10, I will make sure the flight leaves on time, and then we will leave for the airport. We are worried about traffic.
I am now showered and ready to go. I have to give Carmela a bath (again!) and then my mother in law will be here soon. She's going to watch the kids so I can run to Babies R Us to buy a teether, a monitor and then run to buy a tape for our video camera. I'd take the kids, but I don't feel like cleaning up puke just in case :) Plus they miss their Grandma so much, it will be nice for them to stay with her.
Chris should be home around 1:00 I think. I can't wait. I miss him today. Plus then that means only a few more hours until we leave.
So that is our agenda for the day. Full of nervousness and excitement! I keep wondering how she's doing on the plane, as surely she is still in the air now.
My next post will be about Airplane Day!!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Answering questions!
I keep getting asked what I'm feeling right now. I don't even know how to answer this because it changes by the minute. I am feeling overwhelmed, although I really didn't have much to do to get ready. I am feeling that I want time to rush by, then in the next breath I want it to slow down so that I can honestly savor the moments. I am so nervous. What if she hates us? What if I do something wrong? What if she doesn't bond? What if I don't bond? What if she is allergic to my dogs? What if she hates crowds and people? What if we are late to the airport? What if I don't recognize her? What if ... What if.... the list goes on and on. Admittedly, some of the things I am worried about probably won't even happen, yet my brain races. So how am I feeling? Nervous, excited, blessed, happy, sad, and all those feelings in between.
What are we doing to prepare? Well, we didn't have much to do. Today Joey and I went to Walmart to buy a small can of Nestle Good Start soy formula, as we were told to keep her on soy until she gets into see the doctor. when Carmela gets home from school, we are going to make her a poster for the airport, that the kids insist on doing. Then, its bath time and dinner time, and we will head over to my friend Katie's house. Katie has THANKFULLY offered to watch my children so that Chris and I can get a night out on our own before the baby is home. Then who knows when we'll get a night out. I hear that not too many people are knocking on the door offering to babysit with three kids under 5 years old :) Tonight or tomorrow, Chris is going to put in the car seat. Tomorrow is the big day. My neighbor Carmela offered to watch Joey so that I can go in and read to Carmela's class. I figure once Juliana is home, I won't be doing much reading to the class and I wanted to get it in one more time before the end of the year, so I will go in and read to the class. Then come home, and my mother in law is coming over. Chris will be home around 1:00 pm from work, and at 2:15 we are picking up Carmela at school and all 5 of us will head to the airport. My sister and her 3 kids, my Mother, my Aunt Betty Ann and my Aunt Kathleen (Juliana's Godmother) will be at the airport waiting for her arrival. We are planning on getting there way early because we don't know what traffic will be like. We are hoping the kids can eat prior to the plane arriving. Then we wait and wait and wait some more.
That is it in a nutshell of what we are doing to prepare.
I am unsure of Juliana's whereabouts, but rumor has it that she is probably leaving Seoul this afternoon. Maybe right now as I type this??? I am guessing that she is going from Seoul to Tokyo and then possibly Tokyo to Minnesota? I do know that she is leaving Minnesota at 3:10 pm to arrive at JFK at 6:53. She will be arriving at customs at Minnesota, which is a Godsend that we don't have to wait for that at JFK.
Also, some people have asked what I am bringing with me to JFK. C, the agency director, told me to bring a bottle, some small toys, and a blanket. So I will bring those things with me. I am also going to bring a change of clothes just in case we need one. I have been instructed to let her sleep in her clothes that she wore since they smell like home to her. However, if they are "yucky" from her trip, then we will have a change of clothes. I also will bring the car seat and the carrier that I bought (Beco Butterfly -- look for a review of this in weeks to come!). If anyone else has any suggestions of what to bring, please let me know!
One last question to answer...can we come and visit? I have to say yes and no. We are welcoming everyone to come to the airport. We are not sure what to expect of Juliana when she comes home. We do know that while we have sat and stared at her picture for 3 months, she has not done the same. We do know that Seoul, Korea is very different than Bethlehem, PA and that her world is being turned upside down. We do know that she does not know me of her Mom and Chris as her dad. We want to build a positive relationship with Juliana, where she knows who to go to when she's hungry, sick, hurt, happy or crying. We want her to know that we will be there for her every step of her life, and in doing so, it is important that we do all her feeding, taking care of her, baths, holding, etc. This is hard because this is totally opposite of how we were with Carmela and Joey when they were born, but they were not born at 9 months old and in a different home. We hope everyone understands that we are doing this because we want Juliana to have a relationship with us, and in return, she will be able to love everyone as her family in the long run. We have spoken to several doctors, social workers, etc., about bonding and attachment when she comes home and ALL are in agreement that we should keep it very quiet and just us for awhile. We do want visiters in due time, and in small increments. We want to show off our little girl to the world, so please be patient with us and we will welcome you with open arms!!!!! You are such an important part in our lives, and we know you will be in Juliana's too!
I know I sound like a broken record, but I really really can't stop thinking of Juliana's fostermother today. What is she doing? How is she holding up? Is she ok? Juliana is her first fosterbaby, and I am thinking that makes it a little bit worst for her.
What are we doing to prepare? Well, we didn't have much to do. Today Joey and I went to Walmart to buy a small can of Nestle Good Start soy formula, as we were told to keep her on soy until she gets into see the doctor. when Carmela gets home from school, we are going to make her a poster for the airport, that the kids insist on doing. Then, its bath time and dinner time, and we will head over to my friend Katie's house. Katie has THANKFULLY offered to watch my children so that Chris and I can get a night out on our own before the baby is home. Then who knows when we'll get a night out. I hear that not too many people are knocking on the door offering to babysit with three kids under 5 years old :) Tonight or tomorrow, Chris is going to put in the car seat. Tomorrow is the big day. My neighbor Carmela offered to watch Joey so that I can go in and read to Carmela's class. I figure once Juliana is home, I won't be doing much reading to the class and I wanted to get it in one more time before the end of the year, so I will go in and read to the class. Then come home, and my mother in law is coming over. Chris will be home around 1:00 pm from work, and at 2:15 we are picking up Carmela at school and all 5 of us will head to the airport. My sister and her 3 kids, my Mother, my Aunt Betty Ann and my Aunt Kathleen (Juliana's Godmother) will be at the airport waiting for her arrival. We are planning on getting there way early because we don't know what traffic will be like. We are hoping the kids can eat prior to the plane arriving. Then we wait and wait and wait some more.
That is it in a nutshell of what we are doing to prepare.
I am unsure of Juliana's whereabouts, but rumor has it that she is probably leaving Seoul this afternoon. Maybe right now as I type this??? I am guessing that she is going from Seoul to Tokyo and then possibly Tokyo to Minnesota? I do know that she is leaving Minnesota at 3:10 pm to arrive at JFK at 6:53. She will be arriving at customs at Minnesota, which is a Godsend that we don't have to wait for that at JFK.
Also, some people have asked what I am bringing with me to JFK. C, the agency director, told me to bring a bottle, some small toys, and a blanket. So I will bring those things with me. I am also going to bring a change of clothes just in case we need one. I have been instructed to let her sleep in her clothes that she wore since they smell like home to her. However, if they are "yucky" from her trip, then we will have a change of clothes. I also will bring the car seat and the carrier that I bought (Beco Butterfly -- look for a review of this in weeks to come!). If anyone else has any suggestions of what to bring, please let me know!
One last question to answer...can we come and visit? I have to say yes and no. We are welcoming everyone to come to the airport. We are not sure what to expect of Juliana when she comes home. We do know that while we have sat and stared at her picture for 3 months, she has not done the same. We do know that Seoul, Korea is very different than Bethlehem, PA and that her world is being turned upside down. We do know that she does not know me of her Mom and Chris as her dad. We want to build a positive relationship with Juliana, where she knows who to go to when she's hungry, sick, hurt, happy or crying. We want her to know that we will be there for her every step of her life, and in doing so, it is important that we do all her feeding, taking care of her, baths, holding, etc. This is hard because this is totally opposite of how we were with Carmela and Joey when they were born, but they were not born at 9 months old and in a different home. We hope everyone understands that we are doing this because we want Juliana to have a relationship with us, and in return, she will be able to love everyone as her family in the long run. We have spoken to several doctors, social workers, etc., about bonding and attachment when she comes home and ALL are in agreement that we should keep it very quiet and just us for awhile. We do want visiters in due time, and in small increments. We want to show off our little girl to the world, so please be patient with us and we will welcome you with open arms!!!!! You are such an important part in our lives, and we know you will be in Juliana's too!
I know I sound like a broken record, but I really really can't stop thinking of Juliana's fostermother today. What is she doing? How is she holding up? Is she ok? Juliana is her first fosterbaby, and I am thinking that makes it a little bit worst for her.
Monday, March 09, 2009
March 11th will forever be....
The BEITLER Family Day!!!! It will remain in my heart forever. The day my family was complete. The day that five of us are under the same roof. I am on cloud 9 .... My baby is coming home. Juliana hold on, it won't be long now!!!!!
My heart goes out to her fostermother. Her heart is probably aching right now. I just can't imagine holding a baby for seven long months, to have it taken away. And while I am sure she knows that Juliana has a loving family waiting for her, I am also sure that doesn't ease the pain. I know that pain all too well. It is real and it is deep. I hope so much that time eases her pain. I can NEVER thank her enough for taking care of my little girl. Thank you, thank you!
Details.... rumor had it that phone calls from our agency came before 11:00 am. So at 11:00 am this morning, I lost it. I broke down in hysterics. So badly that my poor Joey thought that I was hurt. I explained that my heart hurt because I missed Juliana and he asked "Is Juliana hurt?" I think I was crying so hard that the only reasonable thing was someone was hurt. I decided to pick myself up the floor and start cleaning. I was cleaning and that didn't help so I sat down to write an email to a friend I had met on an adoption forum, I got the screen up and my phone rang. First, I thought it had to be my sister. Lauren knows not to call before 11:00 am so I figured she was waiting until after. I look at the caller id and it reads my agency's name. I start sobbing. I answer the phone and the receptionist ever so calm says "C would like to talk to you". C gets on the phone and I am sobbing even more saying "C, it feels like I won the lottery". C explains that she got the call at 2:00 am with the time change, and did consider calling, but decided against it. I told her that I was hapy she didn't, I'd be up all this time celebrating :)
She told me that Juliana's plane will be landing at 6:53 pm on Wednesday 3/11 at JFK airport. She is coming over with two other babies. I didn't get the age of the boy, but the little girl is 10 days younger than Juliana :) Their families are in Massachusettes and Upstate NY. I am to report at the airport one hour earlier to go over somethings with the agency's representative.
We are welcoming anyone that wants to come to the airport to do so! This is such a special moment, and we want to share it with our friends and family!
I can't wait to tell Carmela...Joey is excited, but I know nothing comopared to what Carmela will be!!! SHE's COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My heart goes out to her fostermother. Her heart is probably aching right now. I just can't imagine holding a baby for seven long months, to have it taken away. And while I am sure she knows that Juliana has a loving family waiting for her, I am also sure that doesn't ease the pain. I know that pain all too well. It is real and it is deep. I hope so much that time eases her pain. I can NEVER thank her enough for taking care of my little girl. Thank you, thank you!
Details.... rumor had it that phone calls from our agency came before 11:00 am. So at 11:00 am this morning, I lost it. I broke down in hysterics. So badly that my poor Joey thought that I was hurt. I explained that my heart hurt because I missed Juliana and he asked "Is Juliana hurt?" I think I was crying so hard that the only reasonable thing was someone was hurt. I decided to pick myself up the floor and start cleaning. I was cleaning and that didn't help so I sat down to write an email to a friend I had met on an adoption forum, I got the screen up and my phone rang. First, I thought it had to be my sister. Lauren knows not to call before 11:00 am so I figured she was waiting until after. I look at the caller id and it reads my agency's name. I start sobbing. I answer the phone and the receptionist ever so calm says "C would like to talk to you". C gets on the phone and I am sobbing even more saying "C, it feels like I won the lottery". C explains that she got the call at 2:00 am with the time change, and did consider calling, but decided against it. I told her that I was hapy she didn't, I'd be up all this time celebrating :)
She told me that Juliana's plane will be landing at 6:53 pm on Wednesday 3/11 at JFK airport. She is coming over with two other babies. I didn't get the age of the boy, but the little girl is 10 days younger than Juliana :) Their families are in Massachusettes and Upstate NY. I am to report at the airport one hour earlier to go over somethings with the agency's representative.
We are welcoming anyone that wants to come to the airport to do so! This is such a special moment, and we want to share it with our friends and family!
I can't wait to tell Carmela...Joey is excited, but I know nothing comopared to what Carmela will be!!! SHE's COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 months since I saw her face!
Today is 3 months since we saw our Juliana's picture! I can't believe it. We are so close to having our baby in our arms, yet it feels like it will never happen at this point. As soon as I start to lose hope, I look at her picture, and a fire begins in my belly! I need this girl home. This has to be the week! I am just praying and praying constantly that this is our time, and my phone rings with flight information. I will keep you posted.
We had a wonderful weekend. Busy, but that was good, it did help with the wait. Friday we went to Mr. Ray concert with my sister and two of her three kids (Gianna had dance). Carmela and Joey loved it, as did Dom and Anthony. The four of them sat together, ate together, and danced together. It is so beautiful to see their relationship! I really think they are more like siblings than cousins. They just love each other so much -- all 5 of them -- soon to be six.
Saturday we woke up and got ready and headed out to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia. I highly recommend this for children 6 and under. It is $15 per person (kids and adults), babies under 1 are free. You can bring in food or buy from their food court. It was a fun day. I will attach some pictures!
Sunday, Carmela and I headed down to Somerset, New Jersey for Gianna's dance competition. Carmela's team received platinum (1st place) for their ballet and gold (second place) for their jaz routine. The best part for me was during the jaz routine. Gianna did a back bend, and then went in a circle about 5 times while in the back bend position! Woohoo! I was so proud of my neice and Goddaughter. She works so hard at it and loves it and it shows. A little funny during the show, one of the girls was doing a dance and her arms went in the air and she was throwing her body around (not good at explaining these things). Anyway, Carmela looked at me and said "Mommy, I am going to do that during my recital" Of course I told her to just do what her teacher tells her to do! But how funny! I can just imagine Carmela doing that! Here are some pictures of my first girl, Gianna, as she danced her heart out. In the first (the ballet) she was the scarecrow! And the last pic is of Carmela on stage with all the big girls. Gianna brought Carmela with her and boy was Carm in heaven with all the big kids!
Lastly, Sunday when we got home, the four of us went up to the Mall to Build-a-Bear. This is our tradition that started with Carmela. When she was in utero, Chris and I went to Build-a-Bear and made her bear with us talking to her. We didn't know her sex so we called her "baby", which we all laughed about last night. Then, when Joey was in utero, Chris, Carmela and I went and made him a bear. We all were recorded saying "I love you, Joey". So yesterday was Juliana's turn. The kids picked out a pink bear and a bathrobe for the bear. Carmela and I are always wearing our robes, and well since Juliana is a girl, Carmela says she will love hers too. So her bear needed a robe. We all recorded different things. I went first with "Juliana, can't wait to see you". Then Joey went with "I miss you". Carmela's turn "I love you.". Chris went last with "Come home soon". And that was that. Believe it or not, the kids got it on the first try! BONUS! We then stuffed our bear, and went to the computer to make a birth certificate. We argued about what to name her. Carmela wanted to name the bear "Korea". Chris wanted "Seoul". Joey wanted "May" (he just loves that their birthdays are so close together). And I just wanted to go eat LOL! Chris won and our new friend is "Seoul" bear! Once we had that done, I breathed a big sigh of relief, we are ready now -- for real. Nothing left to be done -- except clean my house because God knows I won't be doing much of that after Juliana is home!
Friday, March 06, 2009
Busy weekend to keep me sane!
Thank God we have a fun filled weekend planned. I am rather going insane today and find myself very depressed. I was so certain our phone was going to ring by today. When 11:00 passed, I just let out a huge breath and lost it for a second. This is hard. So very hard. Two families that use my agency got phone calls on a Friday night. One at 7:00 pm and one at 8:00 pm. So of course I am hoping and praying that I am to get the call tonight as well. A Friday night call really doesn't make sense to me though because in Korea it is already Saturday, but if my phone rings I won't question it! I won't be home tonight, but Chris will, and I actually think it would be nice if Chris got this phone call as I got the referral phone call. We'll see. Otherwise, we will wait until Sunday night, when our next week of waiting begins. Cecelia did call the last group of four on a Sunday night, so you just never know.
So back to the weekend. When Joey wakes up from his nap (in a little bit) we are heading to my sister's house. We are going to take the 5 kids to see Mr. Ray. He sings some hip kids tunes, and my kids just love him. They are so excited! Then we'll go back to my sister's house for a bit, and come home. Tomorrow we are taking the kids to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia. We have not been yet, but one of my best friends took her twins last weekend and they loved it, plus Moms around town have been telling me about it for awhile now, so we are all excited for that as well. Then on Sunday, Carmela and I are going to Gianna's dance competition. We are so looking forward to this weekend, hopefully our last as a family of four (have I said that enough lately?)....
Hope everyone has a good weekend! And many phones are ringing next week.....
So back to the weekend. When Joey wakes up from his nap (in a little bit) we are heading to my sister's house. We are going to take the 5 kids to see Mr. Ray. He sings some hip kids tunes, and my kids just love him. They are so excited! Then we'll go back to my sister's house for a bit, and come home. Tomorrow we are taking the kids to the Please Touch Museum in Philadelphia. We have not been yet, but one of my best friends took her twins last weekend and they loved it, plus Moms around town have been telling me about it for awhile now, so we are all excited for that as well. Then on Sunday, Carmela and I are going to Gianna's dance competition. We are so looking forward to this weekend, hopefully our last as a family of four (have I said that enough lately?)....
Hope everyone has a good weekend! And many phones are ringing next week.....
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
We are next on the escort plane....
I was having another desperate moment today so I decided to call my agency once again. Cecelia greeted me with "soon, soon, soon". I said "what is soon? Less than a few weeks?" And she said "yes, soon soon soon. You are next. Soon. I promise you".
So without further ado, we are next and it will be soon. Now we already know that soon to me means differently than to others!
Cute little story. Today I went to drop off Carmela at school because either 1) her bus was late or 2) we missed it. Not sure what happened, but I went to drop her off at school and when Joey and I walked Carmela in the classroom, her teacher was asking me all about Juliana. Because Carmela takes the bus, I don't get to speak with the teachers as much as I'd like so it was sweet to hear them talk about how Carmlela has been talking about her new sister. They said that it started a few weeks ago and she told the class that her Mommy was going to have a baby. Her teacher had seen me not far before then at the IEP meeting and knew then that I didn't have a baby in my belly. So Carmela said "yes, the baby will be here by Easter". So now the teachers are really curious and confused. Carmela blurts out "oh yeah and she's coming from Korea"! They said that Carmela went on and on talking about how cute her sister is and naming all the things she wants to do with her sister when she gets home, etc.
They are so excited, really, they both are. I just wish I ccould give them a date as to when she would be home! For now, I'll use those famous words "soon soon soon".
So without further ado, we are next and it will be soon. Now we already know that soon to me means differently than to others!
Cute little story. Today I went to drop off Carmela at school because either 1) her bus was late or 2) we missed it. Not sure what happened, but I went to drop her off at school and when Joey and I walked Carmela in the classroom, her teacher was asking me all about Juliana. Because Carmela takes the bus, I don't get to speak with the teachers as much as I'd like so it was sweet to hear them talk about how Carmlela has been talking about her new sister. They said that it started a few weeks ago and she told the class that her Mommy was going to have a baby. Her teacher had seen me not far before then at the IEP meeting and knew then that I didn't have a baby in my belly. So Carmela said "yes, the baby will be here by Easter". So now the teachers are really curious and confused. Carmela blurts out "oh yeah and she's coming from Korea"! They said that Carmela went on and on talking about how cute her sister is and naming all the things she wants to do with her sister when she gets home, etc.
They are so excited, really, they both are. I just wish I ccould give them a date as to when she would be home! For now, I'll use those famous words "soon soon soon".
Sunday, March 01, 2009
9 months old today!
Phew! We prayed and prayed how we'd have her home today, but it was not in God's plan I suppose. The only saving grace that I have to get me through these days is that she is in Korea, her homeland, hopefully soaking up the culture of the land that will forever be in her heart. It also helps when I think of her fostermother, and what she will be enduring soon. These last few days are hard for me, but I can't imagine what the week(s) to come will bring for her. The sadness and grief that she will suffer makes me sad, so while I miss my little girl these two things do help me in coming to terms with our wait.
My friend Susan picked up her daughter on Wednesday at JFK. The next day, she posted pictures on Facebook, and oh my! I would NEVER have recognized her daughter from her referral pictures until now. It was like looking at a different baby, which of course, makes me wonder even more how much Juliana has changed in these past four months from when we saw her last.
So I looked at Carmela and Joey's photo at 5 months and again at 9 months. To me, their faces didn't change much, but I can see in the pictures at how much they were doing at 9 months old. Carmela had her first tooth (Joey did not), they were both standing; Carmela was crawling; Joey was army crawling. They both definitely had their personalities set already. Both were chubby, good eaters, knew their likes and dislikes, were playful, Carmela had some words already, Joey adored Carmela already, and the list goes on and on. I just sit and imagine what it will be like for Juliana -- and I pray that I will know VERY soon!
Carmela: 5 months old
Carmela 9 months old:
Joey 5months old
Joey 9 months old:
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