Wow, its been awhile. I have been saying for over a year now that I want to start blogging again. Time (or three kids) gets in the way and I just can't remember to actually do it! But I do remember how much I loved sharing my thoughts with the world when we were in our adoption process, and well I am back!
What's new with me? Everything and not much at the same time! I'm still a stay at home mom to three terrific kids! I'm still a wife to a wonderful husband! I'm still the same insane, fun loving person. Yet, my daily life has changed in so many ways. I have started using and distributing a wonderful product called Visalus. Its a nutritional shake. No, I am not trying to convince anyone to buy, just explaining that this is a huge step for me. I am not the salesperson type, but I am so gung ho on this! Health is something I am adamant about, especially healthy eating....this fits the bill. Anyway, it brings in a little bit of money each month so that is great! What else? The kids have been extremely busy with activities so I try to take them from A to B to C all day :) Now on to the family...
Chris has started a new job. I think I updated that we moved back to NJ for Chris' job? He got a job in Plainsboro, which so happened to be 15 minutes from my sister. So we moved to South Brunswick. It was great for awhile while Chris had a tiny commute, but like normal Beitler fashion, he got a promotion and is now working in Newark, NJ. Goodbye simple commute! He's working insane hours, leaving me the primary taxi driver for the three kids. Half the time, it works somehow! The extra money did let us go to Disney in 2011, after stating we were not going to vacation this year! YAY! Chris is working long hours as I said, but we are hoping it pays off eventually for us!
Carmela is now 7 years old. She is in 2nd grade and loves it. She is a very good reader and working hard in Math. She has a few close friends and many aquaintenances. She is working really hard and her teacher says she is a very sweet kid, which of course, I could have told you! Carmela tried out last spring for travel softball. She made the team!!!! At first, Carmela was clearly the weak link, but I have to tell you, she has grown so much as a softball player, and is doing pretty dang good! I truly am so proud of her, especially when she asks me to go play catch! We are going to coninue with fall ball, winter workouts and take this as far as she wants to....or she is able to :) Carmela is still a bit quirky and still on the autism spectrum, but she is growing by leaps and bounds. She is just such a special, sweet girl. I wish everyone knew her and could see for themselves.
Joey started kindergarten a few weeks ago. I miss him terribly during the day, but I love hearing his stories and he really is so happy to be in school with his big sister. Funny story. Joey is DYING to learn how to read. I worked with him this summer, but he just wasn't ready yet. I have told him that his kindergarten teacher would help him out, and by the end of kindergarten he'd be reading a little. Well, after the first day, he came home so angry. He finally yelled at me "Mrs. Wit is a big liar". I was in shock! He said "It's my first day of school and I still don't know how to read". I sure had a good laugh at that. Joey is going through a tough spot right now, though, after school. Major major crankies!!! Its very trying to say the least. I know he's exhausted from full day kindergarten and hopefully this too shall pass!!! Joey started football this year as well. He LOVES it, though he hasn't touched the ball yet...meaning he is only on the front line. He asked his coach to be running back and he said next week so we'll see. I sure hope he can at least try it!
Juliana is as funny, cute and stubborn as ever! She started preschool and let me tell you, she now thinks she's the biggest girl ever!!!! Everything is "I'm a big girl, Mommy". She is loving school though, and says she has many friends. She also started dance. Again, she loves it! This girl just loves to be active and be doing things herself instead of being schlepped to her brother and sister's games and such!
Ansky and Eli are doing well too! I love my furbabies and can't leave them out!
If you are following this, leave me a comment and let m kenow how your doing! I have missed my blogging friends!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Sunday, February 20, 2011
RIP Cecelia Park
Today started out as a not very great Sunday. We woke up and I had a bad cold, and Chris wasn't feeling too hot either. His stomach was bothering him, along with the chills. Not good. We broke our plans with our friends back in PA, and decided to hang low. I made it to the gym, but on the way I stopped by my sister's to drop off some girl scout cookies. I stayed there a bit too long, and finally hit the gym.
I came home feeling totally exhausted and "off", when I sat down to my computer to see a message from my friend, Colleen. She and I had both used Love the Children as our adoption agency to bring home our children. She had told me that Cecelia, the director of our agency, had passed 2/19 in the middle of the night in her sleep. I was devastated.
I had a feeling a few months back that something was terribly wrong with her. When I was in process, I remember distinctly Cecelia saying that the reason she had her job and loved her job was for two phone calls, the referral phone call and the pick up phone call. She told me directly that those were the best calls and she would never miss them. So when I heard from a few people that Beverly from the office made those phone calls, I knew something wasn't right. However, we were all told around Christmas that Cecelia was doing well and recovering from home, and that she would love to receive pictures of our children, with a note. I did just that. I had the opportunity to say thank you, but I'm not sure I stressed to her just how thankful I am.
When I heard the news, I was devastated. I had a really hard time putting into words how I felt. When I took a shower, I thought about it and I tried putting it into terms of how I would feel if I was comparing her death to someone directed to my biological kids, and I couldn't. At first, I said "its like their doctor that delivered them". Right away, I said no that isn't right. Then I realized Cecelia was a lot like GOD! Ya know, I have been around the forums and yahoo groups for a great while, and I have read a lot of stuff about Cecelia. Some people love, and others not so much. One of the things that I hear the most is that Cecelia liked to play God. I very much agree with this statement. Again, Cecelia told me herself that she doesn't necessarily match babies based on whose homestudy is complete, but she gets a gut feeling of which babies belong with each family. She says she has a sense and maybe its because the baby looks like something or maybe because she met the baby and the baby's personality reminded her of someone or something. She played the role of God. Sometimes when you try to be God, it doesn't work out, but as I've said....I have spoken to a lot of families that used LTC adoption agency, and not once have I heard anyone say "I don't think my child was meant to be mine". In fact, its quite the opposite, everyone goes on and on about how their family seemed the perfect fit for their family. My own adoption of Juliana is the same way. We laugh about how much her personality is mine. How much she eats like my Italian side of the family (oh boy, can that kid eat!).
I am not sure if I blogged about this prior, but when we were looking into LTC, I called and spoke with Cecelia several times. I told her that while I was open to either sex, that I preferred a girl. I told her that I had a daughter with autism and that I just felt a girl would help her in the long run, a sister to help and teach her. Cecelia said that she understood what I was saying. I sent in the application and the homestudy agency seemed to rush me. I couldn't figure out why, but I just had this feeling that Cecelia had a little girl in mind for me. Although everyone I spoke to said to expect a boy, something in me told me different. Cecelia had a little girl for us, I just knew it. When she called for our referral, she told me about Juliana and she mentioned that she met her a few weeks prior when she visited Korea. Right away, she said, I think she's perfect for your daughter and her personality reminded me of you right away. Looking back, over 2 years from that phone call, and she was right on.
I remember the travel call, and most of all I remember the phone call that she made several days after Juliana was home. Cecelia always calls the families when the baby comes home from Korea to talk to the baby, teach the parents some Korean words, and see how it was going. Well, as soon as I put the phone to Juliana's ears, and Juliana heard Cecelia's voice, she was hysterically crying. Cecelia kept talking to her and Juliana just cried and cried. We taped the whole conversation and watch it often. Cecelia told me that it broke her heart to hear just how sad Juliana was, and that it was going to be difficult, but she would be a happy child like Cecelia saw when she visited with her in Korea. Cecelia was correct.
My brain and my heart are all over the place in this post. I'm trying to sum up what this passing means to me, and yet the memories flood in......I want to share a bit of what I feel this loss is to Juliana. As we know, Juliana lost everything when she came here with us. Lost is something that every adoptee will know well. Juliana will be no different, no matter how much we love her. Some children come home with a relationship with the foster family, and some very few lucky ones, have some sort of relationship with the birth family, but as of today, Juliana doesn't have either. But in my head, she had Cecelia. While Cecelia couldn't take the place of the foster mother she lived with in Korea, or the lady that gave to birth to her, she was the one that matched Juliana to her forever family. She visited with Juliana in Korea. She met her before I did. She understood the life Juliana had in Korea, much better than I ever will. I feel that is now taken away from her. I feel that its Juliana's real last tie to her adoption, and to her life in Korea. For that, I am even sadder. I looked at Juliana a lot today, and just felt sad for her. Juliana, of course, had no clue why I cried or was sad, but I know one day it will upset her. Every September we see Cecelia and it always was almost like seeing God. Carmela got it last year when she went up to Cecelia and said "thank you for my sister". That came unprompted by me. I dreamed that one day Juliana would say "thank you for my family". That moment never came.
RIP Cecelia. You are loved by so many. Your legacy will live on through your children that you have placed.
I came home feeling totally exhausted and "off", when I sat down to my computer to see a message from my friend, Colleen. She and I had both used Love the Children as our adoption agency to bring home our children. She had told me that Cecelia, the director of our agency, had passed 2/19 in the middle of the night in her sleep. I was devastated.
I had a feeling a few months back that something was terribly wrong with her. When I was in process, I remember distinctly Cecelia saying that the reason she had her job and loved her job was for two phone calls, the referral phone call and the pick up phone call. She told me directly that those were the best calls and she would never miss them. So when I heard from a few people that Beverly from the office made those phone calls, I knew something wasn't right. However, we were all told around Christmas that Cecelia was doing well and recovering from home, and that she would love to receive pictures of our children, with a note. I did just that. I had the opportunity to say thank you, but I'm not sure I stressed to her just how thankful I am.
When I heard the news, I was devastated. I had a really hard time putting into words how I felt. When I took a shower, I thought about it and I tried putting it into terms of how I would feel if I was comparing her death to someone directed to my biological kids, and I couldn't. At first, I said "its like their doctor that delivered them". Right away, I said no that isn't right. Then I realized Cecelia was a lot like GOD! Ya know, I have been around the forums and yahoo groups for a great while, and I have read a lot of stuff about Cecelia. Some people love, and others not so much. One of the things that I hear the most is that Cecelia liked to play God. I very much agree with this statement. Again, Cecelia told me herself that she doesn't necessarily match babies based on whose homestudy is complete, but she gets a gut feeling of which babies belong with each family. She says she has a sense and maybe its because the baby looks like something or maybe because she met the baby and the baby's personality reminded her of someone or something. She played the role of God. Sometimes when you try to be God, it doesn't work out, but as I've said....I have spoken to a lot of families that used LTC adoption agency, and not once have I heard anyone say "I don't think my child was meant to be mine". In fact, its quite the opposite, everyone goes on and on about how their family seemed the perfect fit for their family. My own adoption of Juliana is the same way. We laugh about how much her personality is mine. How much she eats like my Italian side of the family (oh boy, can that kid eat!).
I am not sure if I blogged about this prior, but when we were looking into LTC, I called and spoke with Cecelia several times. I told her that while I was open to either sex, that I preferred a girl. I told her that I had a daughter with autism and that I just felt a girl would help her in the long run, a sister to help and teach her. Cecelia said that she understood what I was saying. I sent in the application and the homestudy agency seemed to rush me. I couldn't figure out why, but I just had this feeling that Cecelia had a little girl in mind for me. Although everyone I spoke to said to expect a boy, something in me told me different. Cecelia had a little girl for us, I just knew it. When she called for our referral, she told me about Juliana and she mentioned that she met her a few weeks prior when she visited Korea. Right away, she said, I think she's perfect for your daughter and her personality reminded me of you right away. Looking back, over 2 years from that phone call, and she was right on.
I remember the travel call, and most of all I remember the phone call that she made several days after Juliana was home. Cecelia always calls the families when the baby comes home from Korea to talk to the baby, teach the parents some Korean words, and see how it was going. Well, as soon as I put the phone to Juliana's ears, and Juliana heard Cecelia's voice, she was hysterically crying. Cecelia kept talking to her and Juliana just cried and cried. We taped the whole conversation and watch it often. Cecelia told me that it broke her heart to hear just how sad Juliana was, and that it was going to be difficult, but she would be a happy child like Cecelia saw when she visited with her in Korea. Cecelia was correct.
My brain and my heart are all over the place in this post. I'm trying to sum up what this passing means to me, and yet the memories flood in......I want to share a bit of what I feel this loss is to Juliana. As we know, Juliana lost everything when she came here with us. Lost is something that every adoptee will know well. Juliana will be no different, no matter how much we love her. Some children come home with a relationship with the foster family, and some very few lucky ones, have some sort of relationship with the birth family, but as of today, Juliana doesn't have either. But in my head, she had Cecelia. While Cecelia couldn't take the place of the foster mother she lived with in Korea, or the lady that gave to birth to her, she was the one that matched Juliana to her forever family. She visited with Juliana in Korea. She met her before I did. She understood the life Juliana had in Korea, much better than I ever will. I feel that is now taken away from her. I feel that its Juliana's real last tie to her adoption, and to her life in Korea. For that, I am even sadder. I looked at Juliana a lot today, and just felt sad for her. Juliana, of course, had no clue why I cried or was sad, but I know one day it will upset her. Every September we see Cecelia and it always was almost like seeing God. Carmela got it last year when she went up to Cecelia and said "thank you for my sister". That came unprompted by me. I dreamed that one day Juliana would say "thank you for my family". That moment never came.
RIP Cecelia. You are loved by so many. Your legacy will live on through your children that you have placed.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Its been awhile!
I am back to the blogging world. Wow it has been awhile since I last posted. Juliana had just turned one and now she is going on 3 in just 3 short months!
Life has been so crazy, yet so beautiful with three kids. We are all doing well. Lets see, I'm trying to figure out where to start. We moved this past September from PA to NJ because my husband got a new job. We are now in NJ, literally .6 of a mile from my sister! We love being close to our family, yet the move has been difficult. Believe it or not, it is most difficult for Joey and I. I spent so much time getting Carmela used to the idea of moving since she was the oldest, and since she had to change schools that I guess I slighted Joey. Joey still says how much he misses our old house. I can't quite figure out what he misses, as he says "everything". He has acted out a lot and I do think it all has to do with the move, but I've been trying to spend a lot of one on one time with him, and that seems to be helping.
I'm getting used to our new house now. It is 60 years old, which is difficult since we are moving from a house that we built ourselves and was only 5 years old. Everything seems to fall apart here, yet we have done a lot of work to it and have made it ours I feel. I do like the house, especially the family room and the kitchen. It is a nice size for our family of 5, and sometimes I wish we actually moved into a SMALLER house! It has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bath, living room/dining room combination, family room, and a beautiful sized kitchen. The backyard is fenced and has a pool. We are all so excited to get into that pool! It really is perfect for us.
The hard part for me is my friends. I felt that I had a bunch of friends in PA already, and everyone knew everyone. Here, it has been very slow in the friends department. Carmela has made some friends through school, so that helps, and of course I have my sister, but I'd love some friends of my own! I guess I never realized how shy I was ??? I don't know what it is. I feel I'm in a different world at times, and I'm FROM New Jersey so I just don't get it.
Lets see....lately I've been having some health issues. I was diagnosed in 2008 with ulcerative colitis, so I think it is that, but I'm starting to think it is something more. Chris and I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out if its specific foods bothering me or what, but sometimes I just feel sick. My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, and I'm really tired. CAn't get out of bed tired. It has been difficult. I've been seeing a gastro who ran tests and couldn't find anything besides u/c. I also went to my ob/gyn and they are looking for some stuff.
Basically, I think its my diet and am spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to eat. Should I go milk free? Gluten free? Eat all natural? No sugar? I don't know. In the meantime, I started going to the gym again, and have a bit more energy, but not much. Its kind of scary not knowing what exactly is wrong! My first challenge is I'm starting to cook more from scratch. Yesterday I made my first macaroni and cheese not out of the box. It was really good, much to my kids' dismay! Juliana liked it, Joey ate it, Carmela hated it. But I've explained to them that the blue box just isn't healthy and that when they want mac and cheese. THIS is what I am making. We'll see how it goes. Today Joey and I made vanilla pudding instead of buying it. We are going to taste it in a bit. If it is good, I will post the recipe!
Life has been so crazy, yet so beautiful with three kids. We are all doing well. Lets see, I'm trying to figure out where to start. We moved this past September from PA to NJ because my husband got a new job. We are now in NJ, literally .6 of a mile from my sister! We love being close to our family, yet the move has been difficult. Believe it or not, it is most difficult for Joey and I. I spent so much time getting Carmela used to the idea of moving since she was the oldest, and since she had to change schools that I guess I slighted Joey. Joey still says how much he misses our old house. I can't quite figure out what he misses, as he says "everything". He has acted out a lot and I do think it all has to do with the move, but I've been trying to spend a lot of one on one time with him, and that seems to be helping.
I'm getting used to our new house now. It is 60 years old, which is difficult since we are moving from a house that we built ourselves and was only 5 years old. Everything seems to fall apart here, yet we have done a lot of work to it and have made it ours I feel. I do like the house, especially the family room and the kitchen. It is a nice size for our family of 5, and sometimes I wish we actually moved into a SMALLER house! It has 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bath, living room/dining room combination, family room, and a beautiful sized kitchen. The backyard is fenced and has a pool. We are all so excited to get into that pool! It really is perfect for us.
The hard part for me is my friends. I felt that I had a bunch of friends in PA already, and everyone knew everyone. Here, it has been very slow in the friends department. Carmela has made some friends through school, so that helps, and of course I have my sister, but I'd love some friends of my own! I guess I never realized how shy I was ??? I don't know what it is. I feel I'm in a different world at times, and I'm FROM New Jersey so I just don't get it.
Lets see....lately I've been having some health issues. I was diagnosed in 2008 with ulcerative colitis, so I think it is that, but I'm starting to think it is something more. Chris and I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out if its specific foods bothering me or what, but sometimes I just feel sick. My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, and I'm really tired. CAn't get out of bed tired. It has been difficult. I've been seeing a gastro who ran tests and couldn't find anything besides u/c. I also went to my ob/gyn and they are looking for some stuff.
Basically, I think its my diet and am spending a lot of time trying to figure out how to eat. Should I go milk free? Gluten free? Eat all natural? No sugar? I don't know. In the meantime, I started going to the gym again, and have a bit more energy, but not much. Its kind of scary not knowing what exactly is wrong! My first challenge is I'm starting to cook more from scratch. Yesterday I made my first macaroni and cheese not out of the box. It was really good, much to my kids' dismay! Juliana liked it, Joey ate it, Carmela hated it. But I've explained to them that the blue box just isn't healthy and that when they want mac and cheese. THIS is what I am making. We'll see how it goes. Today Joey and I made vanilla pudding instead of buying it. We are going to taste it in a bit. If it is good, I will post the recipe!
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Tol party was a success!
And so was Carmela's recital.
I started this blog in hopes to write down my feelings about Juliana's adoption journey. Instead of writing in a baby book, which I have no patience to do for some odd reason, I figured this would be a nice way to write down my feelings/our milestones etc. Lately, I have not been so good at keeping it up. I want to change that.
So last Sunday was an extremely fun day at the Beitler home! I got up at 6:00 am to start cooking and getting things ready. By 3:00 pm, our house was full with our immediate family members, which included my Mom, Chris's mom, my sister and her 3 kids, my Uncle and his wife (Juliana's Godmother), my other aunt and uncle and of course my two Grandmas. When everyone got here, we were so anxious to get Juliana dressed in her Hanbok and we set everything up on the coffee table. Lets see we had a rice cake for prosperity, a thread for a long life, a scissor to indicate that she's good with her hands, a $1 bill indicating rich, a baby doll to indicate lots of babies (it is supposed to be a red date but I had a hard time finding them), and a knife to say she'd be a good chef. We then placed juliana in the middle of the table a little ways away, so that she could crawl up to what she wanted. She started taking off, and then really studied each peice on the table before making her decision. We were laughing at what thought she put into this! She took the scissor first, and then the thread. So she will be good with her hands, and of course live a long life :)
Afterwards, we enjoyed my home Korean cooking. We had bulgogi (delish!), potato in sweet soy sauce, spinach namul,water kimchi and of course jasmine rice. Everything was really good! It was a bit rushed though because I had to clean up and then start getting Carmela ready for her recital.
Carmela's recital was awesome. I was SO SO SO proud of my big girl. She is growing RIGHT before my very eyes. She, of course, in Carmela fashion managed to make the entire audience laugh. After her first performance, my sister cheered her name on, and the entire class gets off stage and she says "WHAT?" looking into the audience for my sister. Then the teacher tells her to get off the stage and Carmela says "wait, I'm talking to my Aunt Lauren" .. we were hysterical. I can't wait to see the video of it.
I will have to post pictures in a bit...I'm off to get the princess from school and then heading to my sister's house to see Dominick. He had his tonsils out yesterday, and is in a lot of pain. Nothing like his favorite 3 cousins to cheer him up!
I started this blog in hopes to write down my feelings about Juliana's adoption journey. Instead of writing in a baby book, which I have no patience to do for some odd reason, I figured this would be a nice way to write down my feelings/our milestones etc. Lately, I have not been so good at keeping it up. I want to change that.
So last Sunday was an extremely fun day at the Beitler home! I got up at 6:00 am to start cooking and getting things ready. By 3:00 pm, our house was full with our immediate family members, which included my Mom, Chris's mom, my sister and her 3 kids, my Uncle and his wife (Juliana's Godmother), my other aunt and uncle and of course my two Grandmas. When everyone got here, we were so anxious to get Juliana dressed in her Hanbok and we set everything up on the coffee table. Lets see we had a rice cake for prosperity, a thread for a long life, a scissor to indicate that she's good with her hands, a $1 bill indicating rich, a baby doll to indicate lots of babies (it is supposed to be a red date but I had a hard time finding them), and a knife to say she'd be a good chef. We then placed juliana in the middle of the table a little ways away, so that she could crawl up to what she wanted. She started taking off, and then really studied each peice on the table before making her decision. We were laughing at what thought she put into this! She took the scissor first, and then the thread. So she will be good with her hands, and of course live a long life :)
Afterwards, we enjoyed my home Korean cooking. We had bulgogi (delish!), potato in sweet soy sauce, spinach namul,water kimchi and of course jasmine rice. Everything was really good! It was a bit rushed though because I had to clean up and then start getting Carmela ready for her recital.
Carmela's recital was awesome. I was SO SO SO proud of my big girl. She is growing RIGHT before my very eyes. She, of course, in Carmela fashion managed to make the entire audience laugh. After her first performance, my sister cheered her name on, and the entire class gets off stage and she says "WHAT?" looking into the audience for my sister. Then the teacher tells her to get off the stage and Carmela says "wait, I'm talking to my Aunt Lauren" .. we were hysterical. I can't wait to see the video of it.
I will have to post pictures in a bit...I'm off to get the princess from school and then heading to my sister's house to see Dominick. He had his tonsils out yesterday, and is in a lot of pain. Nothing like his favorite 3 cousins to cheer him up!
Friday, May 29, 2009
Happy 1st Birthday, Juliana!
Today is Juliana's First Birthday! I know I haven't posted in a long time, but I have been so busy with three kids! Life is finally getting back to normal now that Juliana is settling in. I would not say that she is 100% settled, but I am happy with where we are at. Juliana is starting to laugh more and definitely now wants to be a part of our family. She looks for attention, and smiles more, which of course is a wonderful thing. She is a WONDERFUL sleeper, even though she wasn't so wonderful in Korea. My schedules pay off :) She is getting to be a better eater now, but still whines a lot at meal time. We just can't figure it out. We attempted switching her from formula to soy milk, but it was a no go. She is on soy formula, yet the soy milk really upset her stomach. She hates the taste of hempmilk and I don't want to give her almond milk just yet, so we are going to give rice milk a shot until I can get her some allergy testing for soy and milk.
So what are we doing to celebrate?! Unfortunately today is Carmela's rehearsal for her dance recital. It will run most of the evening so she and I won't be home. But do not worry, Juliana will not be forgotten. Sunday we are having family come over for a few hours before Carmela's recital. I am cooking a few Korean dishes; bulgogi, potato in sweet soy sauce, spinach namul and water kimchi. I will have Juliana in her Hanbok and we will do the traditional Dol table. I am excited. It will be a small gathering -- about 13 people, but one with a lot of meaning to me!
Her big bash will be on June 7th. We are having her Christening at 1;00 and then after that, our close family and friends (about 60 people with kids) will be coming to our house to celebrate both Juliana's Christening and her First Birthday!
I am having a hard time with my baby becoming one. Part of me wishes so much that I got to share those newborn months with her. That I got more than the 9 months of the first year that I got with her. The other part of me is mourning for her birthmother. I had no clue what people were talking about when they spoke of the birthmother, and now I do. I just admire her so much, and I wish so much I could take her pain away that I know she must be feeling today. I wish i could reach out to her and give her a hug. Or even show her a picture of Juliana and how much she has grown since she has last seen her. I wish I could let her know that Juliana is loved, and will be very much throughout her lifetime. I wish I could thank her for the selfless act that she has done by giving her daughter to me. I wish I could thank her for having the strength to choose LIFE for her daughter. I wish so many things, and as the tears stroll down my face, I know I have to get myself together and move on. I have to move on with the gift of this woman's daughter in my life, and just be grateful. I wonder what Juliana's fostermother is doing. If she is missing my sweet little girl. If she realizes that we can't thank her enough for taking such good care of Juliana. I wonder if she knows that we will forever speak to Juliana about her, and let Juliana know that she is her second mom. She is the one that loved her, and took care of her while her forever mom could not.
Ok I need to stop ... the tears are really coming down. It is such a bittersweet day for so many reasons. I feel myself not ready to let go of this baby stage just yet. Just not ready to have my kids all grown up, yet I have no control over it, so I will just sit back and enjoy it.
Happy Birthday, Juliana. You are my daughter, my baby, and my heart. I love you!
So what are we doing to celebrate?! Unfortunately today is Carmela's rehearsal for her dance recital. It will run most of the evening so she and I won't be home. But do not worry, Juliana will not be forgotten. Sunday we are having family come over for a few hours before Carmela's recital. I am cooking a few Korean dishes; bulgogi, potato in sweet soy sauce, spinach namul and water kimchi. I will have Juliana in her Hanbok and we will do the traditional Dol table. I am excited. It will be a small gathering -- about 13 people, but one with a lot of meaning to me!
Her big bash will be on June 7th. We are having her Christening at 1;00 and then after that, our close family and friends (about 60 people with kids) will be coming to our house to celebrate both Juliana's Christening and her First Birthday!
I am having a hard time with my baby becoming one. Part of me wishes so much that I got to share those newborn months with her. That I got more than the 9 months of the first year that I got with her. The other part of me is mourning for her birthmother. I had no clue what people were talking about when they spoke of the birthmother, and now I do. I just admire her so much, and I wish so much I could take her pain away that I know she must be feeling today. I wish i could reach out to her and give her a hug. Or even show her a picture of Juliana and how much she has grown since she has last seen her. I wish I could let her know that Juliana is loved, and will be very much throughout her lifetime. I wish I could thank her for the selfless act that she has done by giving her daughter to me. I wish I could thank her for having the strength to choose LIFE for her daughter. I wish so many things, and as the tears stroll down my face, I know I have to get myself together and move on. I have to move on with the gift of this woman's daughter in my life, and just be grateful. I wonder what Juliana's fostermother is doing. If she is missing my sweet little girl. If she realizes that we can't thank her enough for taking such good care of Juliana. I wonder if she knows that we will forever speak to Juliana about her, and let Juliana know that she is her second mom. She is the one that loved her, and took care of her while her forever mom could not.
Ok I need to stop ... the tears are really coming down. It is such a bittersweet day for so many reasons. I feel myself not ready to let go of this baby stage just yet. Just not ready to have my kids all grown up, yet I have no control over it, so I will just sit back and enjoy it.
Happy Birthday, Juliana. You are my daughter, my baby, and my heart. I love you!
Sunday, May 03, 2009
New pictures....
I know its been awhile that I've downloaded pictures so here is a small sample of the photos we had done of the kids for their birthdays.
Prayers requested for Grandma Judi
I have been kind of MIA lately. I've become a lurker so it seems, checking out the other blogs and forums that I used to frequent many times a day, now I lurk yet the prayers are the same. I am so happy to see so many travel calls and referrals lately!
A lot has been going on in our lives, but nothing is more important than the devestating news we received a week ago. My Mother in law has a mass on her lung and needs surgery and chemo. We are devestated. The good news is that it has not spread yet, it is operatable, and as long as the Pet scan on Thursday is clean, the doctor actually used the word "cured". My Mother in law never smoked, exercises regularly and eats healthy. She is probably one of the most healthy people I know. Her stamina is endless.
I always ask "why" when these things happen, and while I will never know an exact reason, I can see that this has already changed my family in so many ways. I have found the admiration that I have for my mother in law all over again. I realize the reasons that my children adore her again. I have time to reflect and appreciate all that she has done for us as a family, and me as a person. I have had the time to appreciate my husband just a little bit more. I have had the time to hug him just a little bit tighter, to love him just a little bit deeper. I have had seen my children's love for their Grandmother through the years, yet maybe because I am looking for it, it looks like it is getting deeper as the time goes on. My mother in law has a lot of life left to life. Four children that need her and nine grandchildren that need her even more. She has so many friends and family that need her. I need her. And I know she is a fighter. She has the drive to LIVE and the desire to fight this.
Please please pray for Judi. We need her in our journey in life. My children need her.
A lot has been going on in our lives, but nothing is more important than the devestating news we received a week ago. My Mother in law has a mass on her lung and needs surgery and chemo. We are devestated. The good news is that it has not spread yet, it is operatable, and as long as the Pet scan on Thursday is clean, the doctor actually used the word "cured". My Mother in law never smoked, exercises regularly and eats healthy. She is probably one of the most healthy people I know. Her stamina is endless.
I always ask "why" when these things happen, and while I will never know an exact reason, I can see that this has already changed my family in so many ways. I have found the admiration that I have for my mother in law all over again. I realize the reasons that my children adore her again. I have time to reflect and appreciate all that she has done for us as a family, and me as a person. I have had the time to appreciate my husband just a little bit more. I have had the time to hug him just a little bit tighter, to love him just a little bit deeper. I have had seen my children's love for their Grandmother through the years, yet maybe because I am looking for it, it looks like it is getting deeper as the time goes on. My mother in law has a lot of life left to life. Four children that need her and nine grandchildren that need her even more. She has so many friends and family that need her. I need her. And I know she is a fighter. She has the drive to LIVE and the desire to fight this.
Please please pray for Judi. We need her in our journey in life. My children need her.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Lots of walking and bouncing going on!
What a busy busy weekend we had. It started on Friday. Grandma Judi left and two hours later Mom-Mom came! We took the kids outside and I grilled up some hotdogs and burgers and we ate outside. It was a beautiful evening. The kids played and then off to a bath and in bed.
The next morning we woke up early to run around and get out of the house quickly to attend Carmela's Walk for Autism. It was BEAUTIFUL out and the kids had a blast. We were joined by my Mom and my friend Katie, her husband Matt, and their two children. The kids played in the bounce house, got their faces painted, and rode a little ride while we waited to walk. We ran into two of Carmela's therapists while we were there as well, which was nice. Carmela was so surprised to see them and thanked them for coming. She is too sweet. Carmela is starting to question why we walk for her, and she came to her own conclusion (while ignoring what I say) that we walk because she is allergic to milk and wheat. I am wondering if this is because my nephew has a walk for food allergies that we attend each year. After the walk we got home, relaxed and then hung outside again. This time I just made something quick for the kids to eat, Carmela and I baked cookies, and my Mom took Joey outside to blow bubbles. After cookies, it was bath time and bedtime.
Today we woke up and the kids played together while watching television a little bit, then it was off to Church. Juliana was a handful in Church today. We got home, I fed the kids lunch and put them down for a nap. Carmela was so excited for her party today that she woke up at like 4:00 in the morning, so she needed a nap. I woke everyone up and we went over to Bounce-U for Carmela's "kiddie" party. I can't even begin to explain how thrilled I was for my sweet girl. In the entire two hours we were there, I did not see one problem with her behaviors. She played with the children SO well and she really really had a great time. She introduced her friends to one another, played a lot with Diana, her best friend, and just really was so typical. It was so beautiful to see. After the party, we came home, she opened her presents, my sister and her kids came back to the house and we ate dinner together. The kids played (wonderfully of course) and then my sister went home and the kids just went to bed.
It was such a busy weekend, but all for fun things!
The next morning we woke up early to run around and get out of the house quickly to attend Carmela's Walk for Autism. It was BEAUTIFUL out and the kids had a blast. We were joined by my Mom and my friend Katie, her husband Matt, and their two children. The kids played in the bounce house, got their faces painted, and rode a little ride while we waited to walk. We ran into two of Carmela's therapists while we were there as well, which was nice. Carmela was so surprised to see them and thanked them for coming. She is too sweet. Carmela is starting to question why we walk for her, and she came to her own conclusion (while ignoring what I say) that we walk because she is allergic to milk and wheat. I am wondering if this is because my nephew has a walk for food allergies that we attend each year. After the walk we got home, relaxed and then hung outside again. This time I just made something quick for the kids to eat, Carmela and I baked cookies, and my Mom took Joey outside to blow bubbles. After cookies, it was bath time and bedtime.
Today we woke up and the kids played together while watching television a little bit, then it was off to Church. Juliana was a handful in Church today. We got home, I fed the kids lunch and put them down for a nap. Carmela was so excited for her party today that she woke up at like 4:00 in the morning, so she needed a nap. I woke everyone up and we went over to Bounce-U for Carmela's "kiddie" party. I can't even begin to explain how thrilled I was for my sweet girl. In the entire two hours we were there, I did not see one problem with her behaviors. She played with the children SO well and she really really had a great time. She introduced her friends to one another, played a lot with Diana, her best friend, and just really was so typical. It was so beautiful to see. After the party, we came home, she opened her presents, my sister and her kids came back to the house and we ate dinner together. The kids played (wonderfully of course) and then my sister went home and the kids just went to bed.
It was such a busy weekend, but all for fun things!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
