Answering questions!

I keep getting asked what I'm feeling right now. I don't even know how to answer this because it changes by the minute. I am feeling overwhelmed, although I really didn't have much to do to get ready. I am feeling that I want time to rush by, then in the next breath I want it to slow down so that I can honestly savor the moments. I am so nervous. What if she hates us? What if I do something wrong? What if she doesn't bond? What if I don't bond? What if she is allergic to my dogs? What if she hates crowds and people? What if we are late to the airport? What if I don't recognize her? What if ... What if.... the list goes on and on. Admittedly, some of the things I am worried about probably won't even happen, yet my brain races. So how am I feeling? Nervous, excited, blessed, happy, sad, and all those feelings in between.

What are we doing to prepare? Well, we didn't have much to do. Today Joey and I went to Walmart to buy a small can of Nestle Good Start soy formula, as we were told to keep her on soy until she gets into see the doctor. when Carmela gets home from school, we are going to make her a poster for the airport, that the kids insist on doing. Then, its bath time and dinner time, and we will head over to my friend Katie's house. Katie has THANKFULLY offered to watch my children so that Chris and I can get a night out on our own before the baby is home. Then who knows when we'll get a night out. I hear that not too many people are knocking on the door offering to babysit with three kids under 5 years old :) Tonight or tomorrow, Chris is going to put in the car seat. Tomorrow is the big day. My neighbor Carmela offered to watch Joey so that I can go in and read to Carmela's class. I figure once Juliana is home, I won't be doing much reading to the class and I wanted to get it in one more time before the end of the year, so I will go in and read to the class. Then come home, and my mother in law is coming over. Chris will be home around 1:00 pm from work, and at 2:15 we are picking up Carmela at school and all 5 of us will head to the airport. My sister and her 3 kids, my Mother, my Aunt Betty Ann and my Aunt Kathleen (Juliana's Godmother) will be at the airport waiting for her arrival. We are planning on getting there way early because we don't know what traffic will be like. We are hoping the kids can eat prior to the plane arriving. Then we wait and wait and wait some more.

That is it in a nutshell of what we are doing to prepare.

I am unsure of Juliana's whereabouts, but rumor has it that she is probably leaving Seoul this afternoon. Maybe right now as I type this??? I am guessing that she is going from Seoul to Tokyo and then possibly Tokyo to Minnesota? I do know that she is leaving Minnesota at 3:10 pm to arrive at JFK at 6:53. She will be arriving at customs at Minnesota, which is a Godsend that we don't have to wait for that at JFK.

Also, some people have asked what I am bringing with me to JFK. C, the agency director, told me to bring a bottle, some small toys, and a blanket. So I will bring those things with me. I am also going to bring a change of clothes just in case we need one. I have been instructed to let her sleep in her clothes that she wore since they smell like home to her. However, if they are "yucky" from her trip, then we will have a change of clothes. I also will bring the car seat and the carrier that I bought (Beco Butterfly -- look for a review of this in weeks to come!). If anyone else has any suggestions of what to bring, please let me know!

One last question to answer...can we come and visit? I have to say yes and no. We are welcoming everyone to come to the airport. We are not sure what to expect of Juliana when she comes home. We do know that while we have sat and stared at her picture for 3 months, she has not done the same. We do know that Seoul, Korea is very different than Bethlehem, PA and that her world is being turned upside down. We do know that she does not know me of her Mom and Chris as her dad. We want to build a positive relationship with Juliana, where she knows who to go to when she's hungry, sick, hurt, happy or crying. We want her to know that we will be there for her every step of her life, and in doing so, it is important that we do all her feeding, taking care of her, baths, holding, etc. This is hard because this is totally opposite of how we were with Carmela and Joey when they were born, but they were not born at 9 months old and in a different home. We hope everyone understands that we are doing this because we want Juliana to have a relationship with us, and in return, she will be able to love everyone as her family in the long run. We have spoken to several doctors, social workers, etc., about bonding and attachment when she comes home and ALL are in agreement that we should keep it very quiet and just us for awhile. We do want visiters in due time, and in small increments. We want to show off our little girl to the world, so please be patient with us and we will welcome you with open arms!!!!! You are such an important part in our lives, and we know you will be in Juliana's too!

I know I sound like a broken record, but I really really can't stop thinking of Juliana's fostermother today. What is she doing? How is she holding up? Is she ok? Juliana is her first fosterbaby, and I am thinking that makes it a little bit worst for her.