The title of this post are the questions I've been getting lately. I hate telling everyone "I have no clue" but I sincerely don't right now. As anxious as you are, is as anxious as I am. I am just about miserable. I have hit my breaking point. I have hit the point where I just want my baby home, and I am not very rational.
I tried eating my way through the pain, but unfortunately my colitis started acting up, which we now are 100% sure is caused by stress and eating a lot of bad food....today is the first day I left my house (well other than therapy for Carmela) and I'm feeling a bit better, but it sure does make the wait even worst knowing I can't eat my way through it LOL!
I appreciate the phone calls from everyone saying that they are thinking of us and praying for Juliana, but boy every single time my phone rings, I jump. Logically, and from speaking with past LTC families,I know that 90% of the time the phones ring before 11:00 am, and 10% of the time between the hours of 8:00 pm-12:00 am, yet I jump all hours of the day.
I keep telling myself that it is in God's hands. He knows the best time to bring Juliana home to us. He knows why I haven't received the phone call. Logically, I know that it is ok that I am not spending Juliana's 9 month birthday with her, and that her fostermother gets to spend one more "birth" day with her since most likely, I will be spending the rest of them with her. Yet, I am not very logical these days. I just keep doing the motions of living life, when my mind is really thousands and thousands of miles away! I look at my phone constantly as if I look at it enough, it will ring. It doesn't.
This is definitely the hardest part for me. I laughed when others said that to me beforehand, because surely once you know she's clear to go, then the worry is gone. Um clearly that is not the case. The worry of her being approved to come is over, but now its the idea that two governments approved her, the visa is approved, so why in the world is she not here??? Or at least not planned on coming here?
Its been a week, and realistically I probably will have two more to go. I know I will get through it somehow, but right now I am just wondering HOW??? God give me the strength.....
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7 comments:
I'm sorry this is so hard. I can clearly remember waiting for the phone call that we could go and pick our son up and it was just the same as what you are going through. It was a horrible time... but every moment that passes is one more minute closer to your daughter. I know that there are no words to make it better right now... Well, other than the words from your agency when they call! Hang in there. God knows the EXACT moment that your daughter will be placed in your arms and it will be perfect.
((Hugs))
So sorry you are feeling down. I know that day will come for us too when we are just ready to bring our child home as well, and it will be hard too.
I keep checking the holt bb for your post that says TC (with LOTS of exclamation points after it!) and will be thinking of you in this difficult wait. Your daughter is SO cute... hope she is in your arms VERY SOON!
oh man, i am feeling so much empathy for you right now! waiting is the worst!! hoping & praying that your torture ends soon!
LindseyB
Hang in there, Jackie. I can't even begin to imagine how hard this part of the process is. I will keep praying that the call comes very soon. In the meantime, you should go get a massage or some other pampering spa service to help you relax. You deserve it :)
Praying for you. I know that each day is so long and so hard. Hang in there! You are SO CLOSE!!! Huge hugs!
Jackie,
The weeks after the travel call were hands down the worst for me. I think, on some level, before the travel call things were still a bit abstract to me, but once I knew our son could come home, I couldn't stand the fact that he wasn't home. My advice...let yourself feel sad or frustrated, because there is no way around it, but also try to find something enjoyable to do each day. Maybe you could do a day where you focus on each member of your family. Make their favorite meal, say what you like best about them, just give everyone a chance to have some "special" time before Julianna comes home (because it will be all about her for a while). My husband and I (since we didn't have any other children) just spent a lot of time focusing on each other in the days before Seth came home. It helped....a little. :)
You're right, the last part is the hardest. Just keep thinking about what it will like once ALL of your children are home in your arms!! I'll be praying for you.
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